Ask me if im a tree Are you a tree? No

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What did the Polar Bear say when he slid off the iceberg? Radio

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Did you hear that joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What did Tim play with his friends? Nothing. He has no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why did the addict choke himself with a trash bag? His family couldn't afford a funeral and it was the quickest way to disappear.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What did santa claus say when he saw a girl standing on the corner? Ho Ho Ho... ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What's worse than getting hit by an arrow in the knee? Being kidnapped for 10 years and finally getting free only to find out your whole family was murdered by the person who kidnapped you.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why couldn't Simon run? Because he had Cerebral Palsy.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Christopher Walken to a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Waseem is not a funny guy!

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How do you stop a fire breathing dragon from breathing fire? Shove a hose down its throat.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why do reindeer pull Santa's Sleigh? Because Santa won't feed them if they don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

You know whats retarted? people with down syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

If you are a girl reading this! why did you stop making some food?

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Goofy sold Pluto into slavery in exchange for the power of human speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why grannies do not buy a menstrual pads? Cause they will never have their period anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Cows go moo.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How did Suzy die She choked on a Pick-Up Truck

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the man fall over? he had a stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a woman. Why couldn't hellen Keller have fun at the zoo? She was blind and deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the teacher tell the failing student? You will most likely be kicked out of our school and have no further education and be subjected to a low-level career.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

yo mama's so fat, we are all extremely concerned about her health

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops