Why wouldn't the man in a wheelchair see out the window? The curtains were closed

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A guy and a girl look at a dog licking his crotch and the guy utters "damn I wish I could do that" The girl says: I can totally do that! "really? prove it" the guy says. The girl walks towards the dog and says "you just need to pet him so he don't bite you"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the sloth fall out of the tree? Because it was holding hands with the monkey. Why were the monkey and the sloth holding hands? Because they were best friends.

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What do you call 10 dead babies in a blender? A horrible, horrible child abuse incident.

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What's brown and sticky? Poo

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What do black people and apples have in common? Nothing.

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Why did the seal get confused when a spider tried to high five him? Because spiders have eight legs.

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What is worse than being blind? Having a brain tumour.

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What's white and likes to likes to take frequent jogs? Stephen Hawkings, I meant so say remain motionless

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How many wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None. They prefer digging burrows for hibernation.

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I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up here me shout: Absolutely nothing because I'm a teapot you maniacal psychopath.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Nancy Nancy who? Nancy.

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How did the bald lady die? Of cancer

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Whats worse than a paper cut? AIDS.

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Why do black people call white people "Niggas"? Because they took an overdose of KFC and watermelon, they're actually just insulting themselves.

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff. whats blue and fluffy? pink fluff holding its breath.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Why couldn't the man reach the police on his phone after his leg was hacked off by a serial killer? He had AT&T as a service provider.

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What can a bench do, that a south African man cant? Support a family. (I HOPE THAT WASN'T RACIST)

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Yo momma is so average, she has to maintain her own facebook account...

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Roses are black. Violets are grey. I'm a dog...

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whats dirtier than lady gaga's penis in justin bieber's vagina? nothing.

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What is the answer to the universe? I would tell you but you would get board.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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