Knock Knock Who's There Gary Oh hi Gary, come in

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My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito (from the Spanish or Portuguese word for little fly) is a common insect in the family Culicidae (from the Latin culex meaning midge or gnat). Mosquitoes resemble crane flies (family Tipulidae) and chironomid flies (family Chironomidae), with which they are sometimes confused by the casual observer. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapiens (Latin for knowing man), a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans.

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Twisty Snake bite: Doctors office. Patient: Err Doc, a snake bit me in the err, private area... Doctor: I must suck out the poison immediately! Patient: What? Man! Are you sick? How do I even know if the snake was poisonous? Besides they only do that crap in bad jokes! Doctor: Yeah but this is an anti joke so drop em! Later at home: Wife: So did the Doctor help you dear? Patient: Worst doctor ever, he really sucked!

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Q: is this the krusty krab? A: No this is patrick!

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Yo mama's so fat that when she was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease she was given 10 years to live.

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a redheaded man walks into a bar. he is wanted for raping and murdering 13 children

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#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

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Why din't the boy get a Christmas present? Because his dad go hit by a bus.

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Why was the pencil case unzipped? Because it wasn't zipped up.

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Why did the addict choke himself with a trash bag? His family couldn't afford a funeral and it was the quickest way to disappear.

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How did the semen cross the road I put on the wrong sock this morning

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whats worse than having your bike stolen? Getting raped

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Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a V, one side is long than the other? Do you know why that is? There are more geese on that side

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What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

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A catholic priest held a puppet show at a kindergarten. The children were a very polite audience and the event was considered a great success.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a woman. Why couldn't hellen Keller have fun at the zoo? She was blind and deaf.

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what did the train say to the other train choo chooo

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Tommy has no arms and legs. What did he get for Christmas? Cancer

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Why grannies do not buy a menstrual pads? Cause they will never have their period anymore.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, I am blind.

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Two Penn-State Advisors walk into a butt.

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What is worse than a bus falling on you? A bus with Mama June inside it falling on you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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