What's white and likes to likes to take frequent jogs? Stephen Hawkings, I meant so say remain motionless

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Don't you hate it when ads just [CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE JUST WON A MILLION DOLLARS!* Please click this ad, so you can give us your full name, address, phone number, bank account number, pin number and mail your credit card to us, then you will receive your MILLION DOLLARS!* (you may or may not receive one million dollars) Thank you.] pop up anywhere these days?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up here me shout: Absolutely nothing because I'm a teapot you maniacal psychopath.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How many wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None. They prefer digging burrows for hibernation.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What is worse than being blind? Having a brain tumour.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How did the bald lady die? Of cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock Knock. Who's there? Nancy Nancy who? Nancy.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats worse than a paper cut? AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why couldn't the man reach the police on his phone after his leg was hacked off by a serial killer? He had AT&T as a service provider.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff. whats blue and fluffy? pink fluff holding its breath.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are black. Violets are grey. I'm a dog...

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why do black people call white people "Niggas"? Because they took an overdose of KFC and watermelon, they're actually just insulting themselves.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why are black people faster than white people? They are descended from a lineage where athleticism was more greatly selected for in the evolutionary process.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Well, I have to go eat again "Axel Knight". See you around soon enough, just give me a call if you want me around... Hopefully I find a fucking telescope so I can read the code on the chip thingie... Damn I am hungry. See you around sugartits.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

whats yellow sticky and smelly? I dont know i was asking you

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why was the Jewish child sad? He was recently abandoned by all his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Her lips aren't proportionally fit to her face

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Period Blood

thumb_up thumb_down +17

whats dirtier than lady gaga's penis in justin bieber's vagina? nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

the jokes are repetitive on this site

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is the answer to the universe? I would tell you but you would get board.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops