What did the wise old widow across the street get for Hanukkah? Cardiac Arrest.

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Why did the guy throw a clock out his window? Because he was mentally unstable and needs help.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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What's better than getting to sleep in? Sex for the very first time.

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Microsoft Windows

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Three Jews walk into a bar. One says something to the other two, but it was in Yiddish, and I don't speak that, so I don't know what he said, but all of them laughed really hard, so it must have been funny.

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There are three types of people in this world: The stupid. And the ones that can't count.

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Little Jimmy has 100 candy bars, and he eats 95 of them. What dies little Jimmy have? Diabetes

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Why did the jelly baby go to school? Because he was brought up in a middle class background and wanted a full education to further his future career

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What do you call a bird on the beach? A seagull.

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Women

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What did the girl say to the boy? I don't know it was a private conversation

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How did the fat man avoid getting dehydrated? Fat men don't excersise and therefore cannot become dehydrated.

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Which way do gay people walk? in One Direction

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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Why was the boy sad? Because he wasn't happy!

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what did the black man say to the white man? hi

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Why did the small child fall off a cliff? Because it was stupid

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Whats cooler than cool? Ice Cold.

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why does everyone hate chris. cause he's a douchebag.

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Yo sugars so salty when you put it on your french fries they taste like salty french fries

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what's red and fluffy ... red fluff

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Babies are like landmines; when you step on them they explode.

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What do you call a group of jews hiding in an attic? Well, this sounds very similar to the events during World War II in which Anne Frank and various jewish refugees hid from the Nazis.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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