Goats are like mushrooms. If you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters

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What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa is a jolly Christmas figure that delivers presents to children and Tiger Woods is a professional golfer.

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How did the stapeler disappear? I ate it.

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How do you know when Taylor Swift is dead? When you don't hear Boyfriend songs anymore

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What did the cat say to the dog? "Meow."

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My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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Why can't Stevie Wonder drive? There is no steering wheel at the back of the bus.

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See you ******* dogface! All right? You're a compulsive *********** sit on that swivel! Stop swearing!

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What sits in a corner and travels all the way around the world? A stoner on hallucinogens.

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BWAT

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2 guys walk on the street and see a pile of crap. One says "That looks like crap." The other one stops and looks at it for a few seconds and says "You're right it is crap." They both avoided stepping on the pile of crap and continued on their walk.

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Roses are red, violets are red, daffodils are yellow, and pansies are pink.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was an animal of minimal intelligence and didn't know of the underlining risks involved in crossing a high speed passage for cars and other road baring vehicles, the presence of the chicken in the road also prompted further danger for the drivers involved in the situation. This resulted ultimately in not only the death of the chicken in hand, but also caused two cars, one with a male driver aged 35 and the other with a female driver aged 42 and her two children, to collide. This cost hundreds of pounds in damage for the male driver, who escaped with minor injuries, and the death of one of the woman's children. The whole event was an unnecessary disaster.

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What do you call a black guy with a fan? An African American male Homo Sapien who is most likely hot and sweaty and is probably trying to create cold air and then reduce how hot they are likely reducing the sweat glands natural instict to create ameliorate of sweat and then make him feel better.

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Why couldn't the boy play catch with his dad? His Dad is dead.

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Two women were sitting quietly.

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Why din't the boy get a Christmas present? Because his dad go hit by a bus.

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why is 4 afraid of 5? Because Monkey's eat purple pineapples

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what did the black guy get for christmas? a car because he really wanted one.

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What is green and red and spins around? A frog in a blender

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When is a bus not a bus? When it explodes.

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How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? 1

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Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

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How does Michael J. Fox like his Martini? With an Olive

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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