democracy

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Tommy has no arms and legs. What did he get for Christmas? Cancer

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How do Ethiopians celebrate Christmas? They don't there to worried about dying from Aids and starvation

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How do you find the population of Mexico? You take a census count by mail and/or a door to door questionnaire.

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Why do Jews make sure their cars can stop on a dime? So if something happens unexpectedly when they are driving they have a better chance of avoiding a dangerous collision.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What do you call a Mexican with a Green Card? A hard working American Citizen

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What did one baby say to the other? Nothing, they were both killed in a building collapse.

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Whats the difference between a watermelon and a black person? Ones fun to hit with a baseball bat, and ones a watermelon.

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What's brown and sticky? Poo

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Why did the boy have a tumor? Because he had cancer.

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Samantha ate 62 cookies. Then she ate 300 more. How many did she eat after that? None she didn't for the next 6 years after developing an eating disorder.

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Q. What's better than a breadmaker? A. A sandwhich.

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What did george washington say before he and his troops crossed the delaware river? We are going to cross the delaware river. R...

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A: Knock Knock! B: No ones home.

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Why did my son fall off of his bicycle? Because I hit him with a steak.

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Unflushed Shit...

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-What do you call a pyromaniac on a golf course? *** I backed over your cat. -A FIREHAZ- wait what?

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Why cant Jesus play rugby? Cause he's nailed to a cross

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Knock Knock. Whos there? Death

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h

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"Doctor," I said while poking my head, "My head hurts!" I poked my knee. "My knee hurts, too!" Then I tried touching my arm. "OW! So does my arm!" I even tried poking my teeth. "OUCH! Even my teeth hurt! What will I do Doctor?" "That's easy," said the Doctor, "I'll fix your finger right away."

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Why didn't the lactose intolerant man get a drink at the bar? He was the designated driver.

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Why did elmo jump of the cliff caus he was depresed

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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