How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Say, "Wake up!"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

heres a great game to play... DEATH TO BABIES!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what is the difference between oral sex and anal sex? one has to deal with a butt

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Period Blood

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Do you need any assistance?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

JESUS SAYS PICTURE HERE ..... Throws a party for 12 people the world still talks about 2012 years latter !

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Wanna hear a joke about a germ? Sorry I don't want to spread it! -LEts Go Mets!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why is Alan in the hospital? Because he got cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What do you call a plane with no wings? A: An unfinished plane.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

whats really hot the sun

thumb_up thumb_down +10

"Up to 50% off."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "I'd like some H2O" The second says "I'd like some H2O as well." Nobody dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Larry: Why did the chick cross the road? Jeff: Chick? Don't you mean chicken? Larry: Just answer the question. Jeff: Um, why? Larry: Wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

If I had a dollar for every funny joke on this site... I would have quite a few dollars. I would't be rich, but I'd have enough money to pay for me and three friends to go see a movie. So I'm talking like $40-$55, give or take. However, do keep in mind that that cost does not include the purchase of any popcorn/food/beverages.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats worse than the holocaust??having a downstndrome for a child

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What is funnier than dead babies? Dead babies aren't funny, Carlos Mencia and Tom Bergeron are funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did Mary fall of the tire swing? Because she's a dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: Your arms are tied and bleeding from your face, a bull is charging at you, a catapult launches a bunch of rottweilers with rabies straight at your face, a nuclear bomb right next to you is five seconds from exploding, and my teleportation device ia right next to you, what do you do? A: You start by getting your own damn teleportation device! The hell ill let you bleed on mine!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

My Japanese girlfriend left me the other day... I am now depressed and have resorted to comfort eating.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you get an elephant in pajamas? Elephants are large mammals with several layers of body fat, and pajamas are for humans. there is no purpose in attempting this feat at all.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A:Will you be my valentine? B:No

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What happens when a man and a woman really love each other?... - They'll most likely go on a date and enjoy themselves.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops