Wanna hear a joke about a germ? Sorry I don't want to spread it! -LEts Go Mets!

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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An elephant and a rabbit sit on the forest floor and poop. The elephant asks the rabbit " doesn't it annoy you when the poop sticks to your fur?" "no" replies the rabbit. So the elephant picks up the rabbit and wipes his but with him.

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The only hand that can beat a royal flush is Chuck Norris's hand

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Why did Johnny buy the strawberry ice cream? Because when he gets the chocolate he vomits and bleeds out of his asshole.

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Q: What did Mr. Spock say when Captain Kirk was raping him? A: "Ouch! Ouch! Captain, this is so illogical!"

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What's worst then the holocaust, titanit and 9-11 4 bee stings.

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In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. He then created the water, the sky, land, sea creatures, land creatures and humans. He rested.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a swingset in her backyard Neither did she.

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Teacher- "Sally Sue, a sentence that starts with I, please."\ Sally Sue- "I is..." Teacher- "no, no, Sally Sue, when you start with I, you must follow it with am." Sally Sue- "I am the 9th letter of the alphebet."

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I do not like the fact that you are linked with the feds.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, cus feminists can't change shit.

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call of duty is how they say it, calla duty is how we say it...

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Methodist minister were playing golf. The Priest won by one stroke.

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A man fuffers srom lysdexiea

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How did Ronald McDonald die? He was hit by a big mac

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The funniest tragedy in his young life...wasn't funny.

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What starts with a 'D' and ends with 'ick' Daniel and Jimmy are walking in the park when suddenly they get hit by a stick because a mysterious person threw the stick.

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anne hatthaway

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An old lady and her son walk into a hospital, only to find it covered in TRICERITOPS SHIT!!!!

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solve y = [1 arctan (x)] / [2-3 arctan (x)]

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How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit it in the face with an axe

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Turn around.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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