So one day a man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink. He said he would like a glass of water. The bartender said "why come all the way to a bar just to get some water." The man responded "well its a longer walk to the coffee shop."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did the cookie go to the docter he felt crumpie

thumb_up thumb_down +13

If I had a dollar for every funny joke on this site... I would have quite a few dollars. I would't be rich, but I'd have enough money to pay for me and three friends to go see a movie. So I'm talking like $40-$55, give or take. However, do keep in mind that that cost does not include the purchase of any popcorn/food/beverages.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's worse than getting one of your hands cut off? Getting both of your hands cut off.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing, he's Jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish you were here, To get to the other side!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff. whats blue and fluffy? pink fluff holding its breath.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did he walk the dinosaur He took an arrow to the knee so much the DJ didn't was paper-plates.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Dr. Dick Howard Long visits a friend in England. Arriving at his friend's house, he knocked at the door. A butler then lets him in and asks, "Sir, would you like to wait while the Master bathes?" The doctor then replies, "Sure thing, I'll wait until he's done."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why can't Amy Winehouse drive? She is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

If olive oil is made of olives, calculate the mass of the sun.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: What do you call a plane with no wings? A: An unfinished plane.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What happens when you push an asian in a hole? He falls in

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Do you need any assistance?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the cannibal eat for Christmas. Your Mom!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Ah dead on it was all Taggart!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, cus feminists can't change shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Did you know Dr Pepper isn't really a doctor?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A soccer player, a basketball player, a football player, a hockey player, and a baseball player all walk into a bar at different time periods of the day

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A blonde read the newspaper the other day and she saw "Sarah Piplin-laid by 5000 men" She reported it to the owner of the company as I felt it was not appropriate for a family newspaper. The person at the other end of the line asked the blonde, "are you blonde?" "Yes, how do you know?" she replied. "Because it says Sahara Pipeline, you idiot!"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Three children are celebrating Christmas, Joey got a toy train, Janey got a barbie doll, Know what Jimmy got??? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why Do Indians Not Like Snow? Because it is white and on their land

thumb_up thumb_down +7

a dragon walks into a bar. the bartender says "stop it". the dragon eats the bartender.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Johnny buy the strawberry ice cream? Because when he gets the chocolate he vomits and bleeds out of his asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops