What has two thumbs and is very pale? A dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A. I have a really funny knock knock joke to tell you! You start. B. Knock knock A. Who's there? B. ....

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why is it called a tea kettle Because it is a kettle and you make tea in it

thumb_up thumb_down -12

do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a black man digging a hole in the ground with a body covered in blood, bruises and stab marks next to him? An gardener, he uses a different type of fertiliser.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

how do you put a giraffe in a fridge? open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door. how do you put an elephant in a fridge? open the door, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in and close the door. the lion king is holding a conference in the jungle and all the animals turn up except for one, which animal is missing? the elephant, it's in the fridge. you come across a river you need to cross, but it is infested with man-eating crocodiles, how to you cross the river without dying? just swim across, all the crocodiles are at the conference.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

c+t+c?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A guy hit his elbow. Judaism.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

This is my joke. funny

thumb_up thumb_down -16

dfghfgdfhfdhfgdfghdfh

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did Helen Keller name her dog? Well i would imagine one of various names for a domesticated animal and she would choose the name based on her likes towards nature or an element of nature, being the educated individual she i would think she may name it base on a person of importance, such as an author or maybe a writer that inspires her.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the chick cross the road? He didn't. He was attending his father's funeral, who had been killed earlier that week by an oncoming car as he was crossing the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

where do cows go on dates? the slaughter house

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: What were Peter's emotions after he bought his $2 million house? A: None, in fact he has no home, family and anyone to help him. his leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How do you know when someone tells a bad joke? You don't find it humorous.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the duck say when it walked into the house? This isn't where I live.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do we want? Chips!! When do we want them? Chips

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's the difference between a black guy and a picnic table? Many things, really. Beginning with simple structural features such as the number of legs, of which there happen to be four on a generic picnic table, and two on a human being. One might observe that a typical african american male is between 5'8" and 6'2" in total length, whereas a picnic table, being made to support 6-8 people will generally be slightly longer. A black guy will generally be pictured standing upright. A picnic table is usually horizontally laid out upon a flat surface. The former is living or dead, the latter is usually nonliving, processed wood or metal. The former may move about from day to day of its own accord, the latter is completely stationary, and indeed very difficult to relocate, etc.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

An blind orphan in an impoverished Irish village develops both AIDS and terminal cancer. You laughed a little at that. You are going to hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What did the elephant say to the goldfish? Nothing. Animals are unable to speak and fish aren't able to live on land

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why does it take more than one squirrel to change a lightbulb? Because they're so darn stupid!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Why did bob die Cause he got hit by a mailbox

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Do you know the Muffin Man? Of course you don't, faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

. Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry man passes, takes a look at the muffins lifts his shoulders and walks away. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin was poisoned.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops