96

thumb_up thumb_down +38

My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What did the wise old widow across the street get for Hanukkah? Cardiac Arrest.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

what do you call a Ukranian woman without a visa? my maid

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was an animal of minimal intelligence and didn't know of the underlining risks involved in crossing a high speed passage for cars and other road baring vehicles, the presence of the chicken in the road also prompted further danger for the drivers involved in the situation. This resulted ultimately in not only the death of the chicken in hand, but also caused two cars, one with a male driver aged 35 and the other with a female driver aged 42 and her two children, to collide. This cost hundreds of pounds in damage for the male driver, who escaped with minor injuries, and the death of one of the woman's children. The whole event was an unnecessary disaster.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Adolf Hitler was a humanitarian.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What is Bigfoots favorite food? Biscuits and Gravy.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a bird on the beach? A seagull.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

1, 2, buckle my shoe. 3, 4, shut the door. 5, 6, I'm gonna to cut you in your sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Whats black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +32

how many babies can you fit in a bass drum? 19.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Q: What do you call an elephant between two buildings? A: An elephant between two buildings, and the question of how the elephant got there

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

why did Max cry??? chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What is the difference between my elbow and my penis? I Cant lick my elbow

thumb_up thumb_down +28

There is a tiger in front of you a lion behind you and a bear beside you what do you do? Get of the marry go round

thumb_up thumb_down +28

So there's A blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a lake. they all swim across and have a picnic at the other end.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why didn't the pharmacist set up his business in the jungle? Because setting up a pharmacy in the jungle is not a viable business option.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

thumb_up thumb_down +26

So these IRS agents were negotiating a deal.....

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why do Jews circumcise their children.......because they like everything 10% off

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Chuck Norris Isn't That tuff if he was he would come to my house and slam my head in they keyboaredehfiu;qbg;qebnuighqije9qp8ubwrsijpa

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Knock knock Who's there? Police Police who? You're under arrest, open up or we'll knock your door down.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops