Why cant Michael Jackson take flying lessons? Because he overdosed on pain killers, and is now dead.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Onions stink. And so do you.

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A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

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What did Jeff say to the guy who stole his car? Can I have my car back.

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what's worse than a hole in your sock? Getting raped!

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My wife crashed the car while listening to Adele last night. She ended up rolling in the jeep.

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Knock knock Whose there? you you who you know who you are

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What is white, long, and thin? A tablecloth

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Incey-wincey Spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. But sadly, the spider had drowned. [L]

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Friends are like potatoes. When you eat them, they die.

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What did the cat say to the dog? "Meow."

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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What did the wise old widow across the street get for Hanukkah? Cardiac Arrest.

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what do you call a Ukranian woman without a visa? my maid

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Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

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Adolf Hitler was a humanitarian.

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What is Bigfoots favorite food? Biscuits and Gravy.

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1, 2, buckle my shoe. 3, 4, shut the door. 5, 6, I'm gonna to cut you in your sleep.

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What do you call a bird on the beach? A seagull.

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Whats black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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how many babies can you fit in a bass drum? 19.

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Q: What do you call an elephant between two buildings? A: An elephant between two buildings, and the question of how the elephant got there

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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