roses are brown, violets are brown, who the hell sh** on my garden?

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A) why did the black guy leave the bar B) cause he was tired and wanted to go home

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What is white on top and black on bottom? Society

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Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money? He doesn't keep it. His lifespan is too short to make significant compound intrest.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape her abusive father

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson sleep with boys anymore? -Because he is dead.

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What is the most common cause of pedophilia? Sexy kids.

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Your mother is so fat that when she passes in front of the tv, I lose 3 seasons of the series

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Your mom is so stupid she had a hard time graduating high school.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "I'd like some H2O" The second says "I'd like some H2O as well." Nobody dies.

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I do not like the fact that you are linked with the feds.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Nobody, you got ding-dong-ditched

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Norm Macdonald's roast of Bob Saget.

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Q: What did Mr. Spock say when Captain Kirk was raping him? A: "Ouch! Ouch! Captain, this is so illogical!"

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What did the black man say to the jewish man? Hello.

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There are 4 people in a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes. But, the teenage girl says she is depressed and cannot go on. The older woman breaks down into tears because she is reminded of her rough child hood. The two 21 year old twins start crying, too, because they were corrupted by their alcoholic father who would come home and abuse their family. As they were all crying, the two pilots and the flight attendant took the parachutes and jumped. The older woman realized she went to flight school when she was young so she took control. They were are happy and drank a little bit too much alcohol and got drunk. The pilot also drunk and crashed into a huge skyscraper. This catastrophe was later named 9/11.

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Not much of an anti joke but here we go... - What do you get when you cross a jew and a potato? - A Baked potato!

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Clement: Hey love. Want to go out on a date? Patience: No. Clement: That's all right. Your agreement is not needed. *Clement ties up Patience's hands and feet, gags her and puts her in the back of his meat delivery van. He is planning to throw her into the sewers.

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call of duty is how they say it, calla duty is how we say it...

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Want to see a funny movie? -Watch Schindler's List

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Why was Sally a bad driver? Because she rarely signals and never checked her blind spots.

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A woman goes to the hospital to receive an ultra-sound after taking a pregnancy test a few weeks before. The doctor comes out and says "Congratulations Susanne would you like to know the results? Susanne says "No thank you." Then, the doctor says "Good, because its actually a retarded baby that we found."

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Q: Has your ear operation had success? A: Hotdog with chili.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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