What did the wise old widow across the street get for Hanukkah? Cardiac Arrest.

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My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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A black man, an Asian man, and a white man are stranded in the wilderness after their plane crashed. The black man has a flashlight, the Asian a bottle of water, and the white man a can of beans. They put their racial differences aside to increase chance of survival but were eaten by a pack of coyotes.

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What turns red and explodes in a microwave A cat

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Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

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Why was the pencil case unzipped? Because it wasn't zipped up.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was an animal of minimal intelligence and didn't know of the underlining risks involved in crossing a high speed passage for cars and other road baring vehicles, the presence of the chicken in the road also prompted further danger for the drivers involved in the situation. This resulted ultimately in not only the death of the chicken in hand, but also caused two cars, one with a male driver aged 35 and the other with a female driver aged 42 and her two children, to collide. This cost hundreds of pounds in damage for the male driver, who escaped with minor injuries, and the death of one of the woman's children. The whole event was an unnecessary disaster.

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What's the difference between your dog and your mother? Your dog doesn't think you're a disgrace to the family

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What do you call a bird on the beach? A seagull.

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1, 2, buckle my shoe. 3, 4, shut the door. 5, 6, I'm gonna to cut you in your sleep.

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Yo mama so fat,we are all very concerned for her health.

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Adolf Hitler was a humanitarian.

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What is Bigfoots favorite food? Biscuits and Gravy.

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Whats black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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How do Ethiopians celebrate Christmas? They don't there to worried about dying from Aids and starvation

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how many babies can you fit in a bass drum? 19.

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Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're dead.

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Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

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why did Max cry??? chicken

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What is the difference between my elbow and my penis? I Cant lick my elbow

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So there's A blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a lake. they all swim across and have a picnic at the other end.

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So these IRS agents were negotiating a deal.....

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops