A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, " I forgot to store nuts for winter and now I am dead." Its funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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Q: How do you get a clown to stop smiling? A: Hit it with an axe

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what do you call a Ukranian woman without a visa? my maid

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What comes to mind when you say the word "Mind?" Your Mind

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Knock Knock Who's there? Gestapo.

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HAHA SO ONE TIME... The man could not finish his story because he gets shot, and is mourned for years. His daughter was watching it all. She then jumped. And fell. And broke her knee. And then died. yeah

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What walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and one in the evening? A dog that plays in traffic all day.

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What did the tourist in Africa get? A souvenior.

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there are 4 men in a bar talking about how well their sons are doing with their lives. But one man goes to the toilet. So the first man says 'my son is doing really well he is the head of a airline company and for christmas he got his bestfriend a plane.' The second man says' My son is doing really well he has his own car brand and for christmas he got his bestfriend a brand new car.' The third man says' Well my son is doing really well, He owns his own housing estate business and for christmas he bought his best friend a 250'000 sq foot mansion. The fourth man comes out of the toilet and all the three men say ' We are talking about how our sons are doing in their lives so what about yours.' The fourth man goes' well my son is gay but its not that bad because for christmas his three boyfriends got him a new plane, a new car and a 250'000 sq foot mansion.'

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Why couldn't JImmy walk to school? A:Jimmy is in a wheelchair.

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Q: How many cantaloupes can you fit into Jackie Chan's basement? A: 4

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Why did the bartender kick out the three jews at midnight? Because the bar closes at 11.

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Whatsthe best way to kill a blonde? Tell her theres a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

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Q: Whats more fun that nailing babys to a fence? A: Ripping them off.

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Why did Jenny fail her photography class? Because Jenny has epilepsy and she had a coma while taking the final exam? To this day Jenny is drain dead in the hospital.

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There are two fish in a bathtub. One turns to the other and says "Could you please pass the soap?" The other one says "What do I look like to you, a typewriter?"

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minced oaths

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Why'd Sally fall of the swing She had no arms Knock knock Who's there Not sally

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What do you get when you divide 60000 by 30? A Number

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What's small, yellow and great with numbers? A yellow calculator

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Q.What's worse than running over a dog on the road? A.9/11

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How many Alzheimer patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side!

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What is the main contrast about different banks? None, they all take your money!

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question! Feminists can't change anything.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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