Knock knock GET OUTTA HERE! Jesus Christ dude I just came for some eggs!....

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Knock Knock Who's there? It's the mailman delivering your weekly delivery

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GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! GLaDOS: The end. GLaDOS: The end? GLaDOS: That's not funny. GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing? GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out. GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. GLaDOS: Briefly. GLaDOS: Reactions? GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.

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what do you call a fish without eyes? a fshhhhh

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Whats worse than a flat tire? penile fracture

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Why can't Stevie Wonder drive? There is no steering wheel at the back of the bus.

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What do you call a bay that got run over by a train? Thomas

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dumbledore says,"today we will learn new spells,any questions?" a student says,"are you serious?" dumbledore says,"no he is in jail for a crime he didn't commit,sort of like the a-team."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, The middle one's for you!

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What's the worst thing a 13 year old could do? Have their Bar Mitzvah in Nazi Germany.

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Paul Dylan King!

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Women

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Q:Why did the booger cross the street? A:Because everyone was picking on him

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? "Hey Joe, how's the family?"

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do you like fishsticks? yes they are quite delicious

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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Why did the jelly baby go to school? Because he was brought up in a middle class background and wanted a full education to further his future career

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? I threw a refrigerator at it

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A man entered into a house, because it hadn't any door.

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What is worse than a Catholic priest being caught red handed raping 7 kids? 1. Thou shall not steal. 2. Thou shall be kindeth to thy neigbour... 3. Not attending to church is a sin... Moral: Catholic priests need to get their priorities straight... or gay, just not pedo!

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BWAT

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Yo Mommas so poor, when i went to her house and started to clear out the cob webs, she said why the heck are you tearing down the curtains.

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How many nails does it take to build a house? As many as it takes to get the job done.

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Why the girl fell from the swing? cause she had no arms

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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