A man is kidnapped shortly after being diagnosed with a new type of cancer in his left hand and is also left handed. When he is dropped off after being kidnapped it turns out a doctor hired the kidnappers to bring him a patient. The doctor notices the tumor is still in a stage where it hasn't spread to the rest of his body. The docter then claims to have a way to remove his cancer with minimal damage to the rest of him. So the doctor pulls out a laser sword and cuts off the man's left hand and says,"There, no more vancer for you!"

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A: Want to hear a funny joke? B: Nah, I'm okay

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died...

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A mushroom walks into a bard and the bartender admonishes him and tells him to leave. The mushroom says "Aw, c'mon...you stupid jerk!"

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Your mama is so stupid she had to go back to school to get her GED in order to get a job that could properly support her family.

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Why did Susie fall off of the swing? She was hit by an asteroid.

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Do yo know what a decasexual is? A decasexual, as defined on various websites, is somebody who has strong physical attractions to male humans, female humans, male animals, female animals, sounds, smells, tastes, feelings, movements and objects. The term decasexual derives from the latin language, meaning "ten sexualities". Decasexuals exist everywhere.

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I came.

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What do 10 dead babies in a blender sound like? Idk because I was too busy masturbating

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Q; Why was the man loosing his hair? A; Because since he was at an older age, he was going bald.

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Roses are grey, violets are grey, im a dog

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What do call someone who kills their own children? Casey Anthony

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What did Death say to Life? "Look, I respect that you waited till after I broke up with Sandy to ask her out, but it's still a little akward for me, so although there are no hard feelings, it's probably better if we keep our distance from each other for awhile."

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if a fat man in a red suit puts you in a bag at night. its not santa your getting raped

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jeremie er en ape hvorfor er han det? Who cares!

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Why do people always walk so slow when your in a rush to get somewhere? They don't it just seems like that

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What is blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint!

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Your mother is so fat that when she passes in front of the tv, I lose 3 seasons of the series

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Women's rights.

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Why did the dog bark at the tall white man? Because the tall white man was in the process of attempting to rob the house in which said dog was situated. The dog was merely defending its patch.

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My Japanese girlfriend left me the other day... I am now depressed and have resorted to comfort eating.

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I saw a chameleon. Then it died

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More mindfuck "government hypnosis edition": What can doctors possibly do in order for you to wait enough for them to come to help you? They call you "their PATIENT!" Moral: So be patient and wait, oh thee brainwashed.

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Why doesn't Bella like airplanes? Because her family crashed in one....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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