What do you get when you cross a cat with a log? I think the better question is why are you mixing those two things together?

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So there's A blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a lake. they all swim across and have a picnic at the other end.

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Q: What kills millions of people each year and sneaks up behind you unexpectedly? A: HIV/AIDS

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Q: Whats more fun that nailing babys to a fence? A: Ripping them off.

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How do you kill a retard? Slit his throat.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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Wanna hear a good joke? I don't.

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What is the difference between my elbow and my penis? I Cant lick my elbow

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what do you call a slave with a dream of being free? whatever his name happens to be

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Jacob Black and Edward Cullen show up at your house. You tell your best girl friend and she has you admitted to a psych ward because everyone knows they are fictional characters!

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How many blondes does is take to screw a man? one and a condem

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Whats worse than 1 dead baby in a bag? Ten dead babies in one bag.

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a man walked into a bar, however the bar was in Pakistan so he got shot by terrorists

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9 little monkeys jumping on the bed... One fell off and died!

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whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

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why did hannibal lector butter up the teacher? he wanted to get a good grade. he also wanted to eat her

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I was dropped on my head as a baby, kjhgfiehcgbfbjebfiuheggfcug

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why do cats hate dogs? because cats were bullied by dogs in highschool.

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What did Tarzan say when the monkeys came over the hill? Hey look, the monkeys are coming over the hill.

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what did the ruler say to the other ruler your a ruler

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What's small, yellow and great with numbers? A yellow calculator

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Orca Whale walk into a local eatery to discuss what is on their mind. The Priest says he is proud that even though their community is comprised of people residing in many different religions, they still work together to strive for a better tomorrow. The Rabbi nods his head in agreement,he states that he is proud of all the hard working men in their community that are willing to make sacrifices for the needy. The Orca Whale also nods in agreement and pauses for a moment to think while he insight-fully gleams at his two other friends. The Mighty Orca Whale then contributes to the conversation by saying eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrr!

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What do you call your fist? Trying to talk to an appendage would indicate that you suffer from mental issues stemming from dysentery or lack of oxygen, and as a medical professional, I would recommend seeing a specialist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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