only in america: does pizza arrive at your house faster than an ambulence do banks leave their doors open and chain their pens to the desks people put their usless junk in the garage and thier expensive cars in the driveway

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the rabbit cross the road? ..It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

I'm not here.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

whats the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? i don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

mitchell likes balls in his mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you get when you cross a cat with a giraffe? A genetically unstable animal that dies shortly after birth.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you make lady gaga angry? punch her in the face and throw her off a cliff

thumb_up thumb_down -15

8============D PEN1S

thumb_up thumb_down -59

What does a lonely man do on opposite day? Lick his dog's penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

A man calls customer service. A man in India helps him with his problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

A man walks into a bar. The other two ducked, and then immediately called an ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on a deserted island when a genie appears and offers each of them one wish. Before making any decisions on what to wish for, the discuss what the smartest choice is. They return to the genie. The brunette wishes to return home, as does the blonde. The redhead wishes to be able to walk again. The genie denies the wish because to walk again she would have to wish for two legs. The genie leaves and the redhead eventually dies of dehydration as she cannot move and the water that she reaches from the ocean contains salt which dehydrates her faster than the water hydrates her.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

A blond and a brunette fall off a cliff. Who hits the ground first? Neither. They hit the ground at the exact same time due to the laws of physics

thumb_up thumb_down -96

whats funny? small ginger girls who die there head red, then it turns ginger again

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What Do You Call A Man On Land With No Arms And Legs? Useless

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A man dies and goes to heaven. This is an assumption based on religious faith.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

What do you do if Zombies are chasing you and your friend? Trip the friend.

thumb_up thumb_down

waiter: can I get you something to drink? customer: I'll have a coke. waiter: is pepsi okay? customer: is monopoly money okay?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? No, the impact of the colliding objects being the tree and the ground causes a disturbance in the silence thus causing a sound. The tree gets too much credit.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I was lying about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q:How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two

thumb_up thumb_down -63

What do you get when you cross a Shake Weight with Parkinson's Disease? You get a sentence that doesn't explain the end of the joke and leaves you without any closure.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops