Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Wanna Hear A Joke ? Afgan

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what do you call an icy road? dangerous.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're allergic to flowers So this poem will kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit him in the face with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Knock knock. Who's there? James. James who? You know, from across the road? But where's the punchline? This isn't a joke. Isn't it? No. Can you still add a punchline? OPEN THE DOOR!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did a monkey fall out of a tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of a tree? Gravity. Why did the third monkey fall out of a tree? He was stapled to the second monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How did the blond die? Substance abuse

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are green Violets are yellow Those are the wrong colors oh well who gives a shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree? Because it was attached to the first elephant. Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Knock Knock Who's there? Gregory Pelnick

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I cant think of one (._. )

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it lacks the cognitive reasoning ability necessary to determine that walking into oncoming traffic will surely result in death

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door and put it in. How to you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the door, take out the elephant and put in the giraffe. Simba hosts an animal convention and all the animals attend except which? The giraffe. There is an alligator infested lake. How do you cross? Swim across. All the alligator are at the convention.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a tree with all of it's branches down? A tree with all of it's branches down.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? He's not doing anything, sir. He's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did a guy with schizophrenia does it take to walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man is kidnapped shortly after being diagnosed with a new type of cancer in his left hand and is also left handed. When he is dropped off after being kidnapped it turns out a doctor hired the kidnappers to bring him a patient. The doctor notices the tumor is still in a stage where it hasn't spread to the rest of his body. The docter then claims to have a way to remove his cancer with minimal damage to the rest of him. So the doctor pulls out a laser sword and cuts off the man's left hand and says,"There, no more vancer for you!"

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the dog's chin get all scraped up? He didn't have any front legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a blue duck that speaks? A dream.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why do black men run faster then white men? Because they practice more and some simply want to improve themselves in the sport more then other men. Of course, some white men are faster then some black men, so the whole question in general is not true. You should not believe everything you read on here.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

roses are red, violets are blue, hey reed and steven, we should hang out

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Do you want to hear a joke? Well, I do too.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops