A sick patient asks a doctor, "will i be able to play my guitar?" The doctor replies, "of course you will be able to". "Good because that is my only form of income", says the patient.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Leave the plunger in her toilet with the handle greased.

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What do you call 2 midgets and a pencil rolling down a hill? Satan

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Why did the chicken cross the street? It didn't. It got hit by a car.

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Ken: Your dog is sick, he needs to see a vet. Megan: Omg, what is it? Ken: It's a medical person who treats animals.

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What did the cab driver say to the duck who wanted a ride in the cab? Get out of the cab.

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What did the scientist say to the postman? So your a postman?

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What did the polar bear say to the penguin? Nothing. They don't live on the same continent.

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A person walked into a bar, he saw it was the wrong bar so he leaves...

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How many nails does it take to build a house? As many as it takes to get the job done.

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Q: What is green, blue, white and red? A: They're colors

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How do you fit 100 babies into a bowl? You use a blender. How do you get them out? Tostitos scoops.

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Q: How do you get a clown to stop smiling? A: Hit it with an axe

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why did the man paint his house? because he never wanted to paint his house

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Twisty Snake bite: Doctors office. Patient: Err Doc, a snake bit me in the err, private area... Doctor: I must suck out the poison immediately! Patient: What? Man! Are you sick? How do I even know if the snake was poisonous? Besides they only do that crap in bad jokes! Doctor: Yeah but this is an anti joke so drop em! Later at home: Wife: So did the Doctor help you dear? Patient: Worst doctor ever, he really sucked!

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An Asian oceanographer went scuba diving in the Pacific Ocean. Three days later the coast guard found his remains torn apart by sharks.

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Rebbeca black walked into a bar on Saturday

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How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Goofy sold Pluto into slavery in exchange for the power of human speech.

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Roses are blue, Roses are red. Give me your money, Or I'll cut off your head.

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two guys are waiting at a train station...6 hours later one guy turns to the other and says "train aint coming"

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You hear about that old man that died on the news? It was my grandfather... oh...

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, " I forgot to store nuts for winter and now I am dead." Its funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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Who broke into the village's homes and smashed all of the vases? Link did.

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Why did the unicorn cross the road? i dont know. unicorns arent real

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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