roses are flowers violets are too violets are purple not fuing blue

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Biting into an apple and slicing your mouth on a razorblade

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Ken: Your dog is sick, he needs to see a vet. Megan: Omg, what is it? Ken: It's a medical person who treats animals.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Whats worse than getting negative 5 on your calculus test? Coming up positive on your Chlamydia test.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What do you call a Mexican baptism? A blessed occasion.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What's brown and sticky? -A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin getting crushed by a sledgehammer.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

a little girl is playing outside of her house when i man in a van approaches her and stops to ask if the girl will help him find his puppy and that he has some gandy. seeing as the girl has a great love for animals she gets in the van. the man and the little girl drive around until they find the puppy. the man is so overjoyed her rewards the girl with candy. he then drives her back to her house and she feels wonderful having helped the man find his puppy. the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What do you call a needle with two points? A two headed needle.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

John:Why couldn't the T-Rex clay his hands? Billy:Because his arms are too small! John:no he's extinct dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Which way do gay people walk? in One Direction

thumb_up thumb_down +37

h

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why couldn't JImmy walk to school? A:Jimmy is in a wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Shit happens. Correction: feces happens.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

1, 2, buckle my shoe. 3, 4, shut the door. 5, 6, I'm gonna to cut you in your sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How do you find the population of Mexico? You take a census count by mail and/or a door to door questionnaire.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

what is funnier then a man with AIDS? -nearly anything as AIDS is a serious medical condition and could be potentially lethal

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Yo mama so fat she has an increased risk of blood clots!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

there are 4 men in a bar talking about how well their sons are doing with their lives. But one man goes to the toilet. So the first man says 'my son is doing really well he is the head of a airline company and for christmas he got his bestfriend a plane.' The second man says' My son is doing really well he has his own car brand and for christmas he got his bestfriend a brand new car.' The third man says' Well my son is doing really well, He owns his own housing estate business and for christmas he bought his best friend a 250'000 sq foot mansion. The fourth man comes out of the toilet and all the three men say ' We are talking about how our sons are doing in their lives so what about yours.' The fourth man goes' well my son is gay but its not that bad because for christmas his three boyfriends got him a new plane, a new car and a 250'000 sq foot mansion.'

thumb_up thumb_down +31

roses are red violets are blue i dont really care about you

thumb_up thumb_down +31

cms.......?????

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A woman gets in her car to drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What happened to the latino and asian man in math class when they had a test? They both recieved exceptional scores as they both helped each other study the night before.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops