Why cant Michael Jackson take flying lessons? Because he overdosed on pain killers, and is now dead.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well neither has he.

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Whats sad about 3 mexicans getting hit by a train They were remodeling my kitchen

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Onions stink. And so do you.

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why cant sophie lifeguard safely because she cant swim that good

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I used to walk in front of archers, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

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How does a blind bit of difference differ from one that can see?

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Beans beans, they're good for your heart, the more you eat the less at risk you become to such health problems as diabetes and heart attacks. The increased carbohydrates and antioxidant properties maintain a manageable balance for the body's digestive system to maintain a good constant internal environment.

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what do you call an overweight 80 year old white man trying to be a pimp ? Mr.Fredrickson

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Whats worse than getting negative 5 on your calculus test? Coming up positive on your Chlamydia test.

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What did the otter say to the pumpkin? I'm so glad I'm a walrus

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A sick patient asks a doctor, "will i be able to play my guitar?" The doctor replies, "of course you will be able to". "Good because that is my only form of income", says the patient.

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What do you call a fat ethiopian. Impossible

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say iphone 5 times then look under your pillow ...nothings there

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Roses are gray Violets are gray I am a dog

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What do you call a needle with two points? A two headed needle.

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Timmy stop making noises while mommy is working. I have to finish these TPS reports or else my boss will be very mad at me and we won't have Christmas again.

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What did the wise old widow across the street get for Hanukkah? Cardiac Arrest.

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A man and a women have a conversation. Man: what's 2 + 2 Woman: four. Man: you're correct.

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why did the man paint his house? because he never wanted to paint his house

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What do you call a man with three arms and three legs and no nose. A highly unlikely instance that no one would believe is real.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

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How do you fit 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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