What do you get when you divide 60000 by 30? A Number

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How do you get a baby out of a blender? With tortilla chips.

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Roses are red Violets r blue My name is Dave Microwave

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What do you call a black pilot? Whatever his name is, you racist.

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your mom is so old she was put in an old age home

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

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why do cats hate dogs? because cats were bullied by dogs in highschool.

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What do you say to jacks mum when your having Sex? Nothing she's dead.

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Why did the chandelier fall on the little boy? Hell if I know, the only person who saw it got hit by a chandelier and died.

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What do you call a kid with a peg leg and an eye patch? Names

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What's big white and cant climb a tree? A refrigerator.

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What did the bartender say to the midget as he entered the bar? Nothing besides attempting to serve him in the same manner as any other reveller whilst attempting to disguise his sense of pity for the midget's debilitating and somewhat stigmatised condition.

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How many Coldplay members can you fit in a car? All of them, the standard car has four seats or more. Coldplay has 4 members so it makes perfect logical sense

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How do you starve a black person? Hide his food stamps in his work boots

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How many blondes does is take to screw a man? one and a condem

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Why did the chicken attempt to cross the road? To retrieve his dead relatives in the middle of the street.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He had a huge appendage; his arm has been swollen from birth. What a bummer

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Why did Billy fall down? Because his brain was replaced with a piece of toast.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? Not your dead mom.

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why did the rooster cross the road? because it was stapled to the chicken

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What would you do if you're eyes just suddently exploded? You would never see again.

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whats worse than bitting into a apple a finding a worm? bitting into ur apple an finding out u have just killed noddy who was hiding in ur apple

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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