How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask them politely to turn down their volume.

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When life gives you lemons,you say thank you.

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Your mom is so ugly that your father married her because of emotional, spiritual, and intellectual compatibility, not because of sexual attraction.

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A guy named Dick goes into a bar and the barman says: - "hey, show my your dick" - "show you my what?" asks Dick. - "your dick!" - "oh! no, I'm shy"

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Q: What do cows do on the weekends? A: They go to the Moovies Q:What do pigs do on the weekends? A:Go Bowling

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Why did the man die? He jumped of a bridge and then got run over by a train.

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We're out of mustard, so in your sandwich I used some yellow liquid dripping from a dying rhinoceros.

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what did the monkey say to the breast cancer?

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How many ears does Chuck Norris have? Two.

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Hitler was Jewish.

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Q: Whats so funny about an antijoke? A: nothing

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What does Santa get for Christmas? A shitload of work to do.

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What do you call a fly with no wings? A fly.

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What walks like a duck, talks like a duck, but doesn't look like a duck? A horse named Quackie

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What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre

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A black man picks up his phone and calls his wife and finds out he had no wife

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What's silver and bad for your teeth? A wrench

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Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? Finding a bomb in your apple.

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A Man walks into a car dealership and asks the salesman "How many of these Blue ones do you have in stock" ? The salesman looks at the Man and begins to cry. "Why are you crying" asks the Man "I had a dog named Blue once" replied the salesman. And then he ate a taco in front of the Man,wiped his hands on his slacks and slowly backed away from him. The Man thought to himself..."Gee I'm hungry" and left the car dealership to go buy a taco instead.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Satan. Oh **** go away.

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Why didn't Jane buy an ice-cream? Because she was lactose intolerant.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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There was an old man from Limerick. He was of scottish ancestry and nearing his 76th birthday.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Dead Babies

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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