What's the best part about a birthday cake? Eating it.

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

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I love my new microwave. It comes with a list that tells just how long to cook things. Now i know how long to cook a baby for

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Whats the difference........ between a duck?

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I learned a new party trick over the weekend; I swallow a piece of string and it comes out my other end tied! I shit you knot.

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In Soviet Russia, you shit on bird.

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The doctor said he had good news and bad news. I asked for the bad news first. He said, "You have AIDS. I asked what the good news was. He said "You will only have it about a year."

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Why did Jill fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why didn't Jill get up? She had no legs. Why didn't anyone help Jill up? She had no friends.

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Why did the man take off all his clothes? He was going to take a shower.

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Why did the archaeologist bury his brother? Because he was dead.

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Yo mama so ugly... She never got married because most men found it hard to marry her because of her looks

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A black man walks into a predominantly white bar and is laughed at hysterically, the man is a world class comedian.

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What's a Mexican's favorite sport? It varies from person to person.

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Guess What? What? Get in the van.

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What did the polar bear say to the penguin? Nothing. They don't live on the same continent.

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People talk about how there grandparents was in the holocaust well my grandpa was to he died. How he fell off the guard tower.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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A boy watches as a firefighter saves a little girl from a fire and looks at his mom saying "I want to be a firefighter when i grow up mommy" The mom looks down and replies "Silly kid you're not gunna grow up you have leukemia."

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What did the tourist in Africa get? A souvenior.

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How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

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yo mama is so fat, she should seriously consider gastric bypass surgery, morbid obesity is extremely detrimental to one's health

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What happened when the Asian girl got an 89 on her Test? Her parents kicked her out of their house.

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Whats the difference between pizza and Jews Pizzas dont scream when their put in the oven

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What do you call 10,000 lawers jumping out of a plane? A good start.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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