Roses are red Violets are blue I own a lawn mower Can you swim?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Person 1: It's your birthday? Person 2: Yeah! Person 1: Oh.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Robocop and T-800 where fighting, first the T-800 manages to injure Robocop critically, but Robocop manages to repair himself and break T-800`s legs off, which T-800 suddenly regrows due to an unexpected upgrade. After several hours of combat, where civilians are injured and half the town is destroyed they where both worn out, but ready for one last struggle... ...Eventually there was a great celebration for whoever won.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a horse, a cow, a pig, a sheep, a dog, a cat, and a mouse all walking in a straight line? Animals

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did Susie fall off of the swing? She was hit by an asteroid.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A black guy and a Mexican are sitting in a car who's driving??? The Cops

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Where are the keys?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats gets stiff when you have sex with it? A dead body.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why is the world round? The early earth was molten, and a liquid in a vacuum subject only to its own gravitational forces will assume the shape of a sphere. Gases will behave in the same manner. The effects of the sun and other planets, plus the rotational effect have caused the earth to assume a round shape.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee! It's not the coffee, you have a deadly case of ocular melanoma, a form of cancer that affects the eye. You'll be blind within the next 24 hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a shoe sale at JC penny on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +4

More mindfuck "government hypnosis edition": What can doctors possibly do in order for you to wait enough for them to come to help you? They call you "their PATIENT!" Moral: So be patient and wait, oh thee brainwashed.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

q: Why does my grandpa climbs a phone pole with a bag of bananas? a: He likes to climb and he might get hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q. What gets louder as it gets smaller? A. A baby in a paper shredder

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Dont be silly, you know that everything is relative, and that relativity is as unlimited as the subconscious mind, give me ten more minutes, and I can hypnotize you in five minutes in order to see life in slow motion yourself for as long as you feel like. Just dont expect your body to adjust like mine, meaning that if you try to run, your brain will use its old habits while your perception is used to the slow ones... In other words, you will end up on the floor or smacking into a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Asians...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do you get when you put a baby in a blender? salsa how to you get it out? tostitos

thumb_up thumb_down +2

...and I'm a Mormon.

thumb_up thumb_down

Two muffins are in an oven. It was a really small batch.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a black man with a group of 5 white guys? Friends. What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys? a diffrent ratio of black and white friends.

thumb_up thumb_down

a blond applies to college she gets in because she did well in highschool

thumb_up thumb_down

Type 17 diabetes. Hepatitis R. Pubic Lice. Just Pubic Lice.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 is black.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I'll give you a nickel to lick my pickle, a dime to take your time and a quarter if I can f*ck you in the ass

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops