If you want to paint a wall red, what is the fastest way to paint it with a crying baby? The baby will get very annoying and delay your wall from being painted so you put it in its crib in another room until you are done.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What did you say? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What's meaner than taking a candy from a baby? Tossing the baby of a cliff

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What did the apple tree say to the farmer? Well! since trees nor apples have the ability to talk I would say the apple tree said nothing. And if the farmer thinks it did say something he should visit the doctors to check his hearing. The End.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Your mama so fat, that it's starting to affect her relationship with her husband in a negative or harmful way. (CSC)

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A Mexican walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? They gave her a stern talking to and then grounded her for a couple days.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

crime in multi story is wrong on so many levels!

thumb_up thumb_down +38

i hate you.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

hi

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why did the chicken cross the road? Loss of habitat.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Whats worse than meeting kim kardashian? everything shes the hottest freakin celeb there is

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A man is driving home from work. he realizes he left his suitcase back at the office. he turns around and drives back to the office. he walks in the office and grabs his suitcase, and as he's walking out he's stopped by his boss. his boss simply asks "what are you doing in the office at this time, Eric?" the man replies to his boss " sorry sir i was just grabbing my suitcase as i forgot to bring it as i was leaving work" his boss lets him pass " okay Eric, have a good night" the man get back in his car and drives home. but on his way home a pedestrian runs in front of the road. the man runs him over unintentionly. the man is jailed with manslaughter for 4 and a half years

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Whats orange and looks like an orange? An orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why don't they sell pharmaceuticals in the rain forest? Because it is to sparsely populated and not economically viable.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a black guy flying a plane. A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +34

whats the differnce between a baby and a dart board? dart boards dont bleed.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels at the loss of their newborn child.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What did the Sony guy say when he hit the golf ball? PS FOUR!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why was the woman convicted or arson? She set her house on fire. Why did she set her house on fire? Her husband was beating her.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

how do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops