A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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I was once raped by an Asian... it didnt hurt

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What has four legs, its yellow with black spots, and can run as fast as a Cheetah? Another Cheetah

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What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing. He's a mute.

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Why did Tommy cry? His tear glands emptied out of his eyes

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Why did the woman have sex with the man? Because she is over 18, which is above all of the legal consent ages in the United States.

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How do you stop a skunk from smelling? Block its nose.

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What do you call a Chinese man in a cage full of Ostridges? A zoo worker.

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A plane crashed in the rainforest. The survivors all buried themselves because no survival equipment were left and they all sought to kill themselves in their deep state of shock and fear.

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What's worst then lose 100$ Lose 101$

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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What happened to the black man when his alarm went off? He got up and took a shower. Then he got dressed and went to church because it was Sunday.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple, finding a apple in your worm.

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Q: What did the anorexic girl do for thanksgiving? A: Nothing, she was paralyzed from a fall 2 days prior and nobody had found her yet.

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What has a pie and my hand got in common? It's got meringue on it.

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Whats worse than black people : a grimy old woman lickin your toes

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Two people were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

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What do you cal a thousand black people swimming to Africa with a Jew under each arm? Waterboarding.

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My mom just died....

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Lamborghini mercy, yo chick she so thirsty Swerve, swerve

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What was the pirate's favorite letter? Q.

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name-Sally-Sue What I am good at in school: readin' annnd...math. What I need to work on in school: spelin

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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