NEVER

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Two Jewish men walk into a butcher shop. They don't buy any pork because that is a fundamental dietary restriction placed upon by their religion.

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Why did the man pee his pants? Because he was paralyzed from the waste down and had no way of feeling

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- knock knock. ... - knock knock. ... - heey! ... (There is nobody at home.)

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You want to know what is worse than having a teen parent? Being a teen parent.

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why was the girl in the corner with a knife? she's an emo

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died...

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have alzheimers, Cheese Toast!

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Abraham Lincoln was the 16th Presient of the United States of America. The president to follow him was Andrew Johnson, president number 17.

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Doctor! Doctor! Can I have a second opinion? The Doctor then sits the patient down and tells them from a different perspective that they have terminal Cancer and will be dead by the end of the year.

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What's worse than a good anti-joke? A bad anti-joke.

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Dont be silly, you know that everything is relative, and that relativity is as unlimited as the subconscious mind, give me ten more minutes, and I can hypnotize you in five minutes in order to see life in slow motion yourself for as long as you feel like. Just dont expect your body to adjust like mine, meaning that if you try to run, your brain will use its old habits while your perception is used to the slow ones... In other words, you will end up on the floor or smacking into a wall.

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What did the girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer .

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Why don't I ever lmao? Because my ass got bitten off by a bear.

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How did the chicken cross the road? He went to the crosswalk so all the cars had to stop for him.

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Looking for a job in this economy is like trying to find employment during an extreme economic downturn.

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guns don't kill people. casey anthoney kills people.

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Why did the jew break his iPhone? He dropped it when i shot him in the face.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens have feeble minds and tend to wander around.

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What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

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Why does this dog have herpes? Global Warming.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. We have reason to believe you are hiding large amounts of narcotics in your residence and have obtained a search warrant for the premises. Open the door or we will be required to use forceful means of entry.

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Why dont dinosaurs speak english? Because a meteor hit the earth and ran them into extinction

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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