What did the husband tell his obese wife? I love you honey

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms or legs. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally

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A sick patient asks a doctor, "will i be able to play my guitar?" The doctor replies, "of course you will be able to". "Good because that is my only form of income", says the patient.

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What do you say to the man with lopsided balls? I am terribly sorry, your condition has most certainly left you socially alienated and confused.

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Rebecca Black.

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by it surroundings, and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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What s faster than a black guy with a TV? His brother with a VCR.

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Two muffins are in an oven, when one muffin says to the other "its hot in here." The other muffin then says, "whoa! a talking muffin!"

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Drop a brick on her face.

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What's meaner than taking a candy from a baby? Tossing the baby of a cliff

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Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

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Why are "Polish" and "polish" spelled the same? The word is a homophone.

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What does Lady Gaga call Hitler? Nothing special because she doesn't refer to him in everyday's speech.

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How do you find a needle in a haystack? You don't, you're too distracted by the pile of adorable kittens next to it

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roses are red, violets are blue, I talk to myself, and so do it I.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying You kill it

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Roses are blue, Roses are red. Give me your money, Or I'll cut off your head.

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Once you go black you may be more open to dating a second black person.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool? A: A man with no arms or legs in a pool.

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It is green and it is attached to a fence? Green paint

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what is fat and ugly. fat and ugly people

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Adam Sandler.

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How can you tell that a blonde has been using a computer? You can't. There's no common link between computing habits and hair color.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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