A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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haikus are easy but sometimes they make no sense refrigerator

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What’s funnier than cancer? Most things, really.

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There's a fair in a small town in Scotland. In this fair is a sheep judging contest. There are 3 sheep lined up for judging. The judge looks at the first sheep and says "Wow! This is the most beautiful sheep I've ever seen! This sheep just might win!" Then he proceeds to the second sheep. He says "This sheep is even more beautiful than the first! This sheep just might win!" Then he goes to the third sheep. He says "UGH! This is the ugliest most disgusting sheep I've ever seen! There is no way this sheep will win this contest!" And the sheep looks up at him and says, "You think I'm ugly? Well I'm not."

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A priest walks into a day care center. He calmly blesses all of the surrounding children a leaves.

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Why can't Micheal J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because there is no such person as Micheal J. Fox. Michael J. Fox, on the other hand, cannot draw a perfect circle because he has Parkinson's disease.

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What did one Pokemon say to the other pokemon? We are fake.

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What do you call a gay on steroids? Noah Zimmerman!

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A horse walks into a bar. The impact fractures his skull immediately, knocking him unconscious. He then dies from the resulting brain damage.

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Guy walks into a bar and half his head is an orange. Barman: What can i get.. holy shit half your head is an orange!! How did that happen?? Guy: Magic Lamp, rubbed it, three wishes etc etc. Barman: What in the bejesus were your three wishes, half your head is an orange. Guy: First Wish – I wished for every woman in the world to love me. Barman: Right, that is ok. What was your second wish? Guy: Second Wish – I wished that I was a billionaire. Barman: What in the hell was your third wish half your head is a frickin orange? Guy: It was a silly wish. I dot wanna say: Barman: Go on tell me, I’ll give you a drink. Guy: OK well for my third wish I wished that half my head was an orange.

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Who is pack bombs and has gum cancer? • Theo Kingdom

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What do you call a plane full of Arab guys? Something not so good.

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Why did my phone crack? I dropped it.

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Q:What do they call her? A: They call her love,

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7 new what 6 and 9 were doing.....

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What's red, black, and blue all over? A canvas with red, black, and blue paint.

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A spanish man, a french man and an italian man sat at a pub. And they realise no one can speak english properly.

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What did a child without arms and legs get for Christmas present. Cancer.

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Whats big white and can't climb trees? A Fridge. Whats red and bad for your teeth? A Brick.

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Whats the best way to take the leaves off the tree? - Cut down the tree-

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whats the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? i don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

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Yo mama's so poor she is on welfare.

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Why Did The Monkey Fall Out Of The Tree? Because It Was Dead

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Roses are red and blue Violets are red and blue Those 3D glasses really suck.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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