What did the polar bear say to the penguin? Nothing. They don't live on the same continent.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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People talk about how there grandparents was in the holocaust well my grandpa was to he died. How he fell off the guard tower.

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Whats the difference between pizza and Jews Pizzas dont scream when their put in the oven

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A tree walks into a bar. But it is a dead tree so it actually didn't

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Yo mommas so stupid, she got raped.

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The little mouse lifted the giant Elephant up so the Elephant could reach the bag of snacks, but then the Elephant said: I cant reach it, you must be tired so lets switch places... Squish: Squish! Elephant: Mouse! Where are you! *looks at "squish" NO! THIS WAS NOT THE WAY THE JOKE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!!!! Moral: Elephants cant talk...

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Why did jack fall down the hill ? Because Jill pushed him.

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Why couldn't the 14 year old find a date? Because he had a speech impediment and girls avoided him usually.

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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Your mom is so fat, when she sat on a lump of coal she didn't realize she sat on a lump of coal.

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What did the racist slave owner do when his slave refused to complete his task? Asked him nicely until the task was completed.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimers Who are you?

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A priest, a rabbi and a captain are in a sinking ship. The rabbi says let's save the children. The captain says f*ck the children. The priest days do we have time.

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A man had a terminal illness. He died a few months after he was diagnosed.

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What did Santa Claus say to the young boy on Christmas Day? Santa Claus is a myth, that was actually a pedophile.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Babies are like landmines; when you step on them they explode.

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Your mama's so fat her patronus is a cake

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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Haiku's Are Easy. But Don't Always Make Much Sense. Refrigerator.

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Your Mom... is a very nice lady who makes good cookies

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm not a very good poet

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What's worse than failing out of high school? Finding out your mom has cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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