why did the baby cross the road? i stapled his head to a chicken!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did little susie fall off the swing? because she had no arms. Knock knock who's there? not susie

thumb_up thumb_down +35

i hate you.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What do you call a woman who has one leg that's shorter than the other? Asymmetrical.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What did Billy get his parents for Christmas? Billy's an orphan.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

like my drawing of a white person?

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man walks into a bar. Several hours later he staggers out and drives into an oncoming school bus, killing all occupants. He survives to live with the grief for the rest of his life and attempts to commit suicide several times.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

When life gives you lemons, make a lemon and tamarind chutney.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

women's lacrosse.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

"This is not a drill!" - guy holding a hammer

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why was Susie screaming profusely? Susie has autism.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What is the most effective abstinence plan? There is none.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house. No. Neither has he

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A Mexican walked away from a construction site.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Knock Knock Who's there? The police, your wife just died

thumb_up thumb_down +27

why do black people hate aspirin? Its white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A man falls into a lake but no one is around to help him, luckily the man can swim so he got out of the lake and went home feeling embarrassed

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How do you make a baby eat his food? Make one first

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you get when you cross a grizzly bear and a dolphin? Well, the odds of these two animals mating are slim to none. Due to the undeniable fact that dolphins live in the ocean primarily in the warmer tropical waters and grizzly bears live on land in the pacific northwest where the water would be too cold for the dolphin anyway. The dolphin would be swimming around avoiding sharks and the bear would probably be eating a salmon. But if they did breed you would get a dolphinbear. Although a dolphinbear would have a very low chance of survival given it's part dolphin. Dolphins are pussies.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Q: I am an over-protective father looking for my son who was kidnapped and am suddenly traveling with a mentally retarded woman who cant remember her name. By the way my wife was murdered and my son has physical disorder. Then, im hooked up with a hippy who doesnt care about anything. Who am I? A: Marlin the clownfish (from Finding Nemo).

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops