Roses are green Violets are green I'm colour blind Everything is green

Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

Why did the sponge go to the store? The same reason all sponges go to stores: to be sold to patrons of said store.

what has a huge nose and is jewish??? Henery Miller!!!!!

Your momma's so fat she has fat rolls on her stomach.

A horse walks into a bar. It neighs and knocks over a few tables before leaving the bar confused.

how do you get a emo kid out of a tree? cut him down get it: because he was depressed and so poor that he couldn't afford a hair cut or new clothes. he also had single mother whose boyfriend sexually abused him so he was confused about his sexuality. Then people just called him "emo" and said he was acting out so they ignored him and he never gave him help when he asked for it because they said he just wanted attention so he killed himself

Why did the bird fall? It was an ostrich

I'm gay.

No

why was the cow laying down? because little johnny shot him with a 50 calliber

A man walks into a bar. Now, that's unheard of !

What would Martin Luther King Jr. be today if he was white? Alive.

This is a joke with a difference. It isn't funny.

Hello I'm a fat kid

What is worse than getting a paper cut? Your whole family dying to MERS in Peru before you were old enough to remember any of them.

DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN DON'T FUCK WID DA WUTANG CLAN

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One, usually.

2 muffins are in the oven. After about 15 minutes, they both died.

Guy 1: Yo dawg Guy 2: DID yOU JUST FUCKING CALL ME A DOG>/?>/???? Guy 3: Yea

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

WTF BOOOOOM

Quit repeating the damn jokes you jackasses it ruins the laughter. Like if you agree.

Why are girls large and round? Because they are raised by wild packs of oompa loompas.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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