What did Santa get for a young boy? A gun. What did Santa get for the young boys sister? Nothing, the boy shot Santa. Who sent out presents the next Christmas? Not Santa.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? However many seats there are

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What did the tourist in Africa get? A souvenior.

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Whats the difference between pizza and Jews Pizzas dont scream when their put in the oven

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Why did the girl fall off of the swing? They threw a fridge at her.

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what do you call a black guy in a cop car a cop

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Why did jack fall down the hill ? Because Jill pushed him.

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What did the cat say when it jumped into the cardboard box? Meow

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knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant

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How do you find a needle in a haystack? You don't, you're too distracted by the pile of adorable kittens next to it

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Roses are brown. Violets are brown. It's the middle of winter. Flowers look like poop.

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Q: A black person and a white person decided to have a race, who won? A: The black person, as he exercised and worked out on a regular basis, making him very fast.

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A blond walked into a bar. A guy picked her up and then they had sex.

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What did the Engineer say to the English major? Hey we went to the same school and got different degrees! Cool!

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Wha'ts Slippery when wet? A Wet Slipper.

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The little mouse lifted the giant Elephant up so the Elephant could reach the bag of snacks, but then the Elephant said: I cant reach it, you must be tired so lets switch places... Squish: Squish! Elephant: Mouse! Where are you! *looks at "squish" NO! THIS WAS NOT THE WAY THE JOKE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!!!! Moral: Elephants cant talk...

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What did the racist slave owner do when his slave refused to complete his task? Asked him nicely until the task was completed.

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A priest, a rabbi and a captain are in a sinking ship. The rabbi says let's save the children. The captain says f*ck the children. The priest days do we have time.

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Why did the unicorn cross the road? i dont know. unicorns arent real

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666 im christian

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

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"This is not a drill!" - guy holding a hammer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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