How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it. How do you make it stop crying? You throw another brick at it.

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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"How come the week takes so long but the weekend goes by so fast" "Because there are five days in the week and two in the weekend"

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Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

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What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

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How do you get a black man off a swing? ask him.

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"This is not a drill!" - guy holding a hammer

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What comes after 69? Mouthwash

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Why did the white guy feel awkward at the black people convention? He didn't know anyone there

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Banana(s)

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How do you make a dog drink? You put the dog in a blender

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A man walks in a bar. He walks out.

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay in unimportant.

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A hot girl walks past a boy and the boy turns around and watches her pass. The girl sees the boy staring and asks with a slight attitude, "What are you looking at?", to which the boy replied, "Well, I noticed you walking towards me and I couldn't help but think 'Hmm..she looks familiar. Have I seen her at school? No. Work? No. Somewhere else? Perhaps.' I then concluded that I've never seen you before and then you turned around and asked me what I was looking at. What are YOU looking at?"

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Fuck her

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What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing. He's a mute.

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So two Jews walk into a bar... Its nice that they take missionary work to new heights

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Why did johnny fall down? He got hit in the head with a brick

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FIONN'S HAIR 1 LIKE = £1 FOR A HAIRCUT

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Hey are you from Tennessee, 'cause you have a very nice accent.

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Women"s Rights

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? That she should train harder for her next boxing match, or find a less physically demanding hobby to partake in.

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How do you stop a skunk from smelling? Block its nose.

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How do you make a mail man cry? Run him over with a forklift.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops