What is the difference between a Ferrari and a dead hooker? One is a car and one is a human being.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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what do you call a black guy in a cop car a cop

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Loss of habitat.

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What happened when the Asian girl got an 89 on her Test? Her parents kicked her out of their house.

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Why don't they sell pharmaceuticals in the rain forest? Because it is to sparsely populated and not economically viable.

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what is poop in pee? bagel thins? tuesday.

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What do you call a Colombian who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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3 men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

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What did the robot do when a person was shot? Nothing, it wasn't programmed for that situation.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels at the loss of their newborn child.

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How many pumpkins can you fit in a watch? Depends how much jelly is in the pumpkins

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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How do you find Nemo? Watch the movie.

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Once you go black you may be more open to dating a second black person.

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Your momma is SOO FAT that I had to call my doctor. He said you should go on a diet and exercise. I called my local gym and gave your mom a 3 months membership. Monday to Friday. Your welcome and good luck.

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What's funny about a Jew, a Muslim, and a Christian going over the edge of a bridge in the same car? Nothing, they all died

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What did the black man say to the other black man? Nothing, he was recently involved in a terrible car accident which he barely survived but lost the function of speech and was paralysed from the neck downwards. He is constantly in pain and desperately wants someone to kill him but has no way of communicating this so is forced to wait until his natural death.

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What's worse than a School Bus accident? The Holocaust.

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Nobody. Go make some friends.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to a chicken

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how do you keep a blond in sespence you dont tell her

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A white man, a black man and a muslim walk into a bar. The bar explodes, but the white man is the only one that dies, thanks to reasonable accommodations.

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Where did the 5 gay guys go? One direction

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops