- Anti Joke

How do you get your wife to stop nagging? chop off her head

What's worse than throwing 8 babies off a cliff? Throwing 1 baby off a cliff.

what do you do when you see a 40 ft tall gorilla? WHO CARES, RUN!

Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

what happened to the chicken that crossed the road? it got hit by a taco truck

A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" The parrot was his fathers. Do to severe mental and physical illness, he can no longer take care of it. He asked his son to take it, those were his last words as he slipped into a coma

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit by a car.

A man is walking alone in a park and stumbles upon a lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie appears out of thin air. The genie tells him he has three wishes to wish for whatever his heart desires. The man naturally wishes for Anthony Davis to shave his damn unibrow. He then throws the lamp at a little boys face and laughs uncontrollably.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples, how many pancakes can hit the roof? ...Purple!! Because aliens don't wear hats.

I just made up a joke! How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Seven. The ending needs some work...

Why isn't Neil Patrick Harris like Barney Stinson in real life? Because he's gay

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor Who, Your Doctor, you have 5 months to live

two fish are in a tank.

knock, knock whos there? steve steve who? steve johnson hi steve

Why does a ginger have no friends? Because it is a non sentient horizontal stem and thus incapable of forming complex social and emotional bonds with conscious organisms.

Your momma is so boss that I work for her.

Why couldn't the mexican feed his family? Because a large percent of mexican immigrants in the United States do not have jobs due to dicrimination against illegal immigrants crossing the soutern border, thus rendering them more vunerable to unemployment is that is vastly present in the United States.

what's funnier than a dead baby? a lot of less tragic things

What do you call a female duck? A duck.

What is red and invisible? No tomatoes.

"Roses are Red" "Violets are Blue" That's what they say, But it isn't true. Violets are violet, Now stop sniffing glue!

why is my brother white and i am brown? the milk man is very fast!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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