Q: How do you get a clown to stop smiling? A: Hit it with an axe

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Three tomatoes are walking down the street... No wait, they're in my salad.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a dead hooker? One is a car and one is a human being.

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Girl: Do you like me :D Boy: No Girl: =( Boy: You didn'y ask me if i loved you Girl: :D Do you love me Boy: Naw

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What's the deal with airline food? It's nourishing matter that sustains life, provides energy, and promotes growth distributed by flight attendants.

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How did the fat man die? Clogged arteries leading to a heart attack.

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when do you go to heaven? Never, it doesn't exist.

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What happened to the dying kangaroo? He died What animal is not in the lion king? Kangaroo --why? Because he died...

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Whats the difference between a black guy and a pizza? A black guy is a human being, and a pizza is a food you racist.

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Knock knock. Who's there? President. President who? The President of the United States.

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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A man with a ski mask on enters a bank, he just came back from the slopes.

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a fat man eats porkchops all day ling shit a just craped my pants

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Q:why are lamas cool? A:because m&m's are poisoned with deadly dosages of viagra.

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What do a baker and gynecologist have in common? They can smell it, but they can't eat it.

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Q:A man has 100 chocolate bars he eats 93 of them. What has he got now? A:Diabetes

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Why did the person play his XBOX 360? because he felt like it.

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What do you call a fat legless over weight black man called Tom. Tom.

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Baseball

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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The awkward moment when you notice its 2012 and we're all gonna die, so you buy and elephant and name him John.

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Why is the grass always greener on the other side? because they have a landscaper.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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