What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night to see your TV floating in midair? "I should probably lay off the hallucinogens."

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the chicken cross the road? it didn't it was being sexually abused by its father.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a black guy flying a plane. A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Human is to breast as breast is to nipple as nipple is to milk as milk is to HIV as HIV is to AIDS as AIDS is to death as death is to heaven or hell as heaven or hell is to Jesus or the Devil as Jesus is to God as God is to the Universe

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A man powers up his computer but then realizes he's in China.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the cat cross the road? He thought he would make it to the other side, but instead was hit by a mini van and soon after died in the bushes from internal bleeding.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

*Knock Knock* Who's there? Nobody. Go make some friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why couldn't the 14 year old find a date? Because he had a speech impediment and girls avoided him usually.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

There once was a rich man who owned a really big mansion, he's a very organised man and likes routine, every day at 6.30pm he goes for an hour long jog. One day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his mansion is on fire and he can see a little orange man running away in the distance. But he thinks nothing of it. The man has lost a lot of money, but can still afford to move into a slighty smaller, yet still very large house. The next day he goes out for his jog and when he gets back his big house is on fire and again, he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it, but has now lost even more money, and has to move into a regular size house. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his house is on fire and again he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it and has lost even more money. He is really gutted by this point and now has to move into a single bedroom flat. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his flat is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He still thinks nothing of it and has now lost all his money, and has to move into a cardboard box under a bridge. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his cardboard box is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He is sick of this and decides to chase the little orange man. When he catches him he tackles him to the ground, turns him over and asks.. did you burn down my mansion, my big house, my average sized house, my flat, and my box? The little orange man replies no.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

what do you get when you cross a chicken and a mad scientest? a mutant chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for his birthday? Broken arms and legs

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Whats worst than being attacked by a tiger? Being attacked by 2 tigers.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the man say to his son? Hello, son.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you call a black guy with Alzheimer's? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A priest, a rabbi and a captain are in a sinking ship. The rabbi says let's save the children. The captain says f*ck the children. The priest days do we have time.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's the similarity between a grape and an elephant? Both are purple except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q How do you make pie. A You cook it

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the boy with Aids pray for? A gun

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing..

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How Long is a Chinese man.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

whats gay ? you

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops