when do you go to heaven? Never, it doesn't exist.

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If you can dodge a traffic, that probably has little or no relation to how well you can dodge a ball.

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What do you call a woman who has one leg that's shorter than the other? Asymmetrical.

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Your mama's so fat her patronus is a cake

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Your mom is so dumb that she failed to pass her 11th grade year, forcing her to drop out to get a GED and spend the rest of her life at a dead end job

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there are 2 black guys and a spanish guy in a car. who is driving? a sober, US citizen over the age of 16

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What do you call a disabled Jew? His name

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Why did the little boy die? Because he had cancer.

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A Rabbi, A Priest and an Imam walk into a bar. The Imam doesn't order a drink because it is strictly against his religious beliefs.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to a chicken

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police, your wife just died

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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How many Jews can you fit into a car? About 5 or 6. It depends on the size of the car.

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What's worse than missing your favorite TV show? 9/11.

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What did the terrorist have for breakfast? Scrambled eggs and a glass of orange juice.

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Wanna hear a funny story? Sure Ok.

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look left now look right. washing machine

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Whoa! A talking carrot!

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Black people are clen.

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A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

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roses are red, violets are not, this poem makes no sense. Bananas

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Q: Why did the boy cross the road? A: Because he was being chased by a pedophile.

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How do you kill one Jew. A gun. How do you kill a thousand Jews. With a millon angery germans.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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