- Anti Joke

The procrastinators association meeting has been postponed. - Anonymous

Two friends not to far apart: A: Hey you, you hear me?! B: yes. A: You hear me?! B: yes!! A: You hear me?! B: yes, yes, what!?! A: You hear me?! B: YEEEEEEEES WHAT'S going on?!?! (gets upset) A: Nothing, I'm just checking your hearing.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

i like my women how i like my coffee ....i dont like coffee

Some people are like Slinkies: they get really boring after a while.

What's red and green? A frog in a blender

What do you call an African american in your back yard A slave (I am sorry this is racist)

Why isn't Neil Patrick Harris like Barney Stinson in real life? Because he's gay

What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch? Names

A woman refuses to make a sandwich and walks away unharmed.

Why did the blind man drown? Because he couldn't swim.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second says “I’ll have some H2O too.” Then he dies.

Man I'm Bored Nice to meet you.

whats the difference between a snail? - both legs are the same lenght, especially the left one.

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

did you know Helen Keller had a dog? neither did she.

What's (333x4)-198+(456x100,432)-10+5? Bet ya said i don't know! I don't either.

Ask me if I am a bus. Are you a bus? No.

What the diffrence between a jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven

You wanna hear a joke about my penis Nevermind, it would be inappropriate of me to say such a thing.

ollie is a fag so are you

What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Your in the wrong hemisphere

noodles

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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