What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night to see your TV floating in midair? "I should probably lay off the hallucinogens."

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how many jews did hitler kill during the holocaust? too many jews

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Q: How do you fit a giraffe inside a refrigerator? A: You can't, it is physically impossible...

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I'm on the seafood diet. A large proportion of my daily food intake is fish.

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Why did the women keep scratching her head? Because she had lice

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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what do you get when you cross a chicken and a mad scientest? a mutant chicken

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If you can dodge a traffic, that probably has little or no relation to how well you can dodge a ball.

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What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza? One is a popular Italian food and the other is a human being.

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What did the man say after falling off the bridge? Nothing. He died a painful and terrible death on impact.

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Why did the fly get off the toilet? It got pissed off.

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What is as ugly as Justin Bieber's face? Justin Bieber's face.

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What do you call a Jewish lawyer, who is happily married to a woman, but goes and sees a man on the side? A gay Jewish lawyer who cheats on his fake wife.

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What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

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A man walks into a bar, then he realized he didn't have any money, so he walked out.

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Why was the orphan crying? His parents were dead and his future was uncertain.

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Your Mom... is a very nice lady who makes good cookies

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What happened when the princess kissed the frog? She died, the frog was highly toxic.

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How do you get a black man off a swing? ask him.

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Q How do you make pie. A You cook it

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun, shut the **** up.

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a fat man eats porkchops all day ling shit a just craped my pants

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Your mama's so fat, that during her last physical checkup, her attending physician informed her that it would be in her best interest to lose some weight before any serious medical conditions arose that would adversely affect her health and well being in a chronic fashion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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