What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night to see your TV floating in midair? "I should probably lay off the hallucinogens."

thumb_up thumb_down +37

If you have 10 fish and you drown 5 how many do you have left? 10... you can't drown a fish, and even if you could you would still have 10 because there would still be there, they would just be dead. 5 alive, 5 dead

thumb_up thumb_down +35

there are 2 black guys and a spanish guy in a car. who is driving? a sober, US citizen over the age of 16

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Q. What is brown and sticky? A. Creosote.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man walks into a bar, then he realized he didn't have any money, so he walked out.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What did Billy get his parents for Christmas? Billy's an orphan.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

why did the baby cross the road? i stapled his head to a chicken!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

You're mom is so slutty, she has sex with many men.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How many pumpkins can you fit in a watch? Depends how much jelly is in the pumpkins

thumb_up thumb_down +31

womens rights!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What do you call a black armless legless man I Don't know but im kind of hungry

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Stop being racist!Be a panda. They are black white and asian!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

how did the chicken cross the road. it didnt.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A young couple just gave birth to their first child and the doctor says, "I’ve good some good news and some bad news, what do you want first?" "Give us the bad news first", the parents reply. "Your baby has red hair", says the doctor. "Well whats the good news", ask the parents. "It’s dead", says the doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What do you call a deaf person whom is behind the wheel of a car about to run off a cliff? ....

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How many Jews can you fit into a car? About 5 or 6. It depends on the size of the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red Violets are blue Little billy was annoying me But he can't anymore Because now he's dead In a burlap sack In the back of my truck And it's really bloody back there

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Knock Knock Come In! Who me? Yeah. Ok.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's the similarity between a grape and an elephant? Both are purple except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's the difference between jelly and jam? A: Nothing Really

thumb_up thumb_down +25

*Knock-Knock* "Who's there?" "The police, you're under arrest for the murder of your wife and your two children."

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is the difference between a bench and a mexican? the bench is an object

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops