How do you kill a blue elephant, with a blue elephant gun, how do you kill a pink elephant, you strangle it until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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Since little kids sleep with stuffed bears, do bears sleep with stuffed humans?

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Q: What did the black guy say when he stubbed his toe? A: Ouch.

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Your mom is so fat, her pants are starting to get tight.

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What does a person say before they die? Whatever their last word is

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The awkward moment when you notice its 2012 and we're all gonna die, so you buy and elephant and name him John.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What Starts with P and ends with O-R-N? Popcorn.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't because he was dead.

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A horse walks into a bar...n

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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What happens when you cross a dog and a cat? Something.

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why is the room so dark? because the light is not on.

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What's worse than nine dead babies hanging in a tree? One dead baby hanging in nine trees.

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The President, a terrorist, a student, and a genius were on a crashing plane. They all died.

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Why couldn't the blonde divide 5 by 0? Because it's impossible to divide by 0.

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What did the white man hand to the mexican? His college degree because the mexican had completed all four years of college with a 4.0 GPA.

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What do a comb and a guitar have in common? Neither of them can climb trees.

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Why did the black man run? There was a mass murderer chasing him with a chainsaw.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven had a raging hard-on and was leering at him.

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What's the difference between a white person and a black person? The presence of melanin in their skin, as well as often their socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds.

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yo mama is so fat, she should seriously consider gastric bypass surgery, morbid obesity is extremely detrimental to one's health

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An elderly lady walks into an elevator. She falls over and I kick her in the head.

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A man goes to the doctor suspecting he might have erectile dysfunction. The doctor raises an eyebrow and asks, "Does it come up a lot?" "No."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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