Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put M&M's on the bottom of a pool, and tell her to arrange them in alphabetical order. By the time she starts to question this, the poison should be kicking in.

What do you call someone who states the obvious? Someone who states the obvious.

Giving birth to the antichrist

Knock, knock. Who's there? It's Bob. Oh hi, Bob, come on in.

Did you see the blind man get hit by a car? Neither did he.

What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

an invisible man walks into a bar and asks for a drink. No one noticed him cause hes invisible

A peice of dust floats into a bar. Its a peice of dust so no one notices it.

Miscarriages.

Roses are red Violets are blue I have genital warts Now you do too

How do you make a napkin dance? You can't. Stop having such unrealistic aspirations.

What's white and comes out of a long black stick? Milk with a long black straw.

How many black guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None can, since noone can work together because they cant see eachother.

The glass is half an hour.

Why was the elderly, Asian, blond pulled over by the officer? She was, and has been completely blind since birth.

Why isn't Neil Patrick Harris like Barney Stinson in real life? Because he's gay

What's red and green? A frog in a blender

How do you get an elephant into a fridge? You can't - elephants are too big to fit in fridges. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? You can't, see above. If there is a raging fire in the jungle, which animal will survive? Most likely the parrots and other birds, as they can fly away.

i wish i was a tree !

What is red and not there? No tomatoes.

What do Chuck Norris and Oprah Winfrey have in common? They are both white, male, good actors, white, rich, and white. Except for the eagle.

How do you stop a train? Throw a fridge at it.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere

I heard you let the cat out of the bag. It died.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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