What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? They gave her a stern talking to and then grounded her for a couple days.

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Your mom is so fat, when she sat on a lump of coal she didn't realize she sat on a lump of coal.

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A- Knock knock! B- Come in! A- ...

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What makes the world go round? Gravity.

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why do black people hate aspirin? Its white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get to it.

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What is 18 inches long and makes a woman scream all night? Crib death.

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What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.

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Amputations.

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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What did the anti-joke say? Nothing for it is an anti-joke which is a group of word formed to create a sentence and sentences cannot speak.

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Why did the Jew pick up the loose change on the ground?Because he has to use it for taxi money to get back home.

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A Kinect

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How many blonds does it take to kidnap a child? One.

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An Asian oceanographer went scuba diving in the Pacific Ocean. Three days later the coast guard found his remains torn apart by sharks.

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What do you call five dogs with no balls? Five bitches.

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Why dose not the cat bark? Because it's a cat!

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How do I recover from my Pokémon addiction? Catch 'em All!

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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Little Timmy walked up to the teacher and asked her "Can i go to the restroom?" The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you ?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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What did Gene give Carla for Christmas? AIDS

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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