How do you make a fat kid cry? You hold an onion up to their face.

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One day three men died. Heaven had almost been full, and he wanted to see who could get in and who would burn. So the first man starts and says "well I just got home from my girlfriends house, she just dumped me. I was crazy mad, and as I was about to eat the pain away, I saw a man hanging off of my porch. I ran to the man pulled out a sledge hammer, and then smashed his hands off the balcony. And without thinking I picked up my refrigerator and threw it down at him. But sadly I fell with the refridgerator." the second man steps up and says.. "I was doing my dance routine on my porch, and I slipped on an ice cube and flipped off the rail. I took ahold of a railing on which I could puulmupmtomsaftey on, but as I was about to save my own life some psychotic man comes out with a sledge hammer and bashes my hands off the railing. After he threw his refridgerator down at me." and then the third guy says..."well I was in this refridgerator........."

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A man is talking to his friend at work. The man asks his friend, "Did you see the game last night?" Then a plane crashes into the building and we call it 911

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A: Want to hear a funny joke? B: Nah, I'm okay

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Knock knock who is there ? i'm an orphaned, sir can you tell me why did you write who "is" instead of who's ?? because than i will have to use the (') key and its very far not to mention that i have to use the shift key do u want a pizza ? how much ? 50 cents ? get the hell out ? im not even in yet !

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a pedophile

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Josh kissing a girl

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What did the deer say to the hunter? Deers are animals, they haven't yet evolved enough to talk..

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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A feminist walked into a bar and had her period

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a mammal.

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What's worse than throwing 8 babies off a cliff? Throwing 1 baby off a cliff.

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What was the hardest part about the orphanage burning down? My cock.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have clamidia Because Polly shat on me.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. It's funny because the robot has no arms.

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women's rights.

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What do you call two gay men playfully wrestling? Immature.

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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Why would anyone try to run from a fight if:Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog? I wasn't even talking about dogs and fight isn't something in you! Next time, don't listen to your football coach.

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How do you make an antijoke corny. How? Corn.

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Your mama so fat she often lays awake at night wondering if your father is happy with their sex life. He isn't.

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What did Tom get for Christmas? Gloves, but Tom had no arms. Knock knock? Who's there? NOT TOM

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What is red and invisible? No tomatoes.

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What`s 3 times as worse than a war? 3 wars

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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