What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow that's been chopped in half? Dead

A black, asian, and white guy jump off a building, who lands first? Well, according to newton's law of gravitation every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. It depends on who weighs the most

Giving birth to the antichrist

Pirate ships are used by pirates.

What is brown, smells like shit and on fire? A muslim after the bomb vest malfuctioned!

What's the difference between your wife and a female dog? none - they are both bitches!

A man asked another man what he was doing the next day. The man then proceeded to tell him that he had not intended on having any plans due to the fact that he was planning on killing himself within the next twenty three hours.

Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put M&M's on the bottom of a pool, and tell her to arrange them in alphabetical order. By the time she starts to question this, the poison should be kicking in.

What did the drug addict get for Christmas? He got hepatitis, fired from his job, and nothing from his family because their relationship was badly damaged by his addiction.

What do you call someone who states the obvious? Someone who states the obvious.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was suicidal.

Are you a homophobe? No, I'm cake. ,.

an invisible man walks into a bar and asks for a drink. No one noticed him cause hes invisible

What's the easiest way to kill a blond? You stab her.

Roses are red Violets are blue I have genital warts Now you do too

How many black guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None can, since noone can work together because they cant see eachother.

Why isn't Neil Patrick Harris like Barney Stinson in real life? Because he's gay

What do Chuck Norris and Oprah Winfrey have in common? They are both white, male, good actors, white, rich, and white. Except for the eagle.

What's red and green? A frog in a blender

What happened when the boy didn't forward the chain message to ten people. Nothing.

How do you get an elephant into a fridge? You can't - elephants are too big to fit in fridges. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? You can't, see above. If there is a raging fire in the jungle, which animal will survive? Most likely the parrots and other birds, as they can fly away.

How come Jimmy didn't take his math test? Dead babies can't take math tests!

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere

three men walked into a bar, can't believe know one noticed it.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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