A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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why didnt the deaf man laugh? he was also mute

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why do black people hate aspirin? Its white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get to it.

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A man with a ski mask on enters a bank, he just came back from the slopes.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding, Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

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How many Jews can you fit into a car? About 5 or 6. It depends on the size of the car.

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Hitler was a pretty good guy I guess

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Yo momma is so ugly, she might not win the "America's next top model" contest.

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yo mama's so ugly, it affects her self esteem.

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what did Johnny get for Halloween. ebola

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Q:A man has 100 chocolate bars he eats 93 of them. What has he got now? A:Diabetes

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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The economy sucks. REM broke up. A man killed himself.

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why did the chicken cross the road.

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Ask me if I'm a tree Are you a tree? No.

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Have you ever seen the mexican that went to college? Yes, the DREAM act increased the number of minorities in public universities

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Q: why did suzy fall off the swing? A: she had no arms. Knock knock. Q: who's there? A: not suzy!

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What happened when a black man's phone went off? He answered it.

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What did the mail man say to the resident? I have your mail. Now let's f*ck.

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What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

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Two black guys are in an elevator, one guy gets off at the sixth floor, and the other on the eighth. And thats it.

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Tacos

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Why did phil krahn go to the store? To get one of those suits

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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