What do you call postman pat when he is retired? Pat.

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

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What did the fat man get for his birthday? diabetes

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What do cats eat for Dinner? Cat Food.

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What do you call "Bob the Builder" when he retires Bob

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Why did Joseph kick the pig in the face? He though it'd be funny.

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How many doctors does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One, usually.

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Why did the chicken cross the road ? To get to the gay guy's house . Knock knock . Who's there? The chicken.

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Why was the man named Thomas? Because that was his name

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You know what they say about big feet... big penis.

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there were 2 sausages in a frying pan. One sausage says it sure is hot in here. The other one says WTF a talking sausage!

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What's purple and green and has a criminal record including two counts of armed robbery, five counts of possession with intent to sell, one count of attempted murder, several citations for underage drinking, and a parking ticket? Barney, but ignore all that other stuff. His record was expunged.

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Why did the dinosaur jump off the cliff? Because he was mental

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How did the dog die? It was wet because of the rain so the little boy put him in the microwave for 30 minutes to warm him up

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What did the white man say to the black man? We both deserve to be treated as equals although we are from much different cultural backgrounds.

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Canada's army

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Q: What's better than a dead baby? A: Knowing who killed it, because then you can report them to your local authorities, thus creating a safer community.

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What do you call a shop dedicated to selling watermelon, fried chicken and corn bread? A poor business model.

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Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin turned to the other and said, "Boy, its getting hot in here." The other muffin said, "WE ARE GOING TO DIE IN HERE AND NO ONE WILL HERE US SCREAM."

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What's big, red and looks like a bucket? A small blue bucket labeled big red bucket.

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Why did the black man win the race? Because he was talented and hardworking.

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What do you call someone that hates gay people? An asshole.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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When Jesus came back from the dead the first thing he said was "It was just a prank bro!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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