whats the differance between a orange and a dead baby one is a delicious treat the other is a fruit

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

one fish two fish red fish kill the fish

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I used to be a schizophrenic but we're okay now

thumb_up thumb_down -6

When does 1=17? How many schizophrenics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

if quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests? testicle

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What is worse than getting a paper cut? Your whole family dying to MERS in Peru before you were old enough to remember any of them.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a supporter of Barrack Obama? A welfare recipient

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: Whats funnier than Ryan Vallee? A: The death of your family -RDV

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do cats eat for Dinner? Cat Food.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Hey, I want to because you are really sweet and deserve it, and damn you are hot, but thats secondary in your case, in every case actually, otherwise I would just be doing it with meat whose soul and thoughts I hate/dislike/detest/etc, and that is not who I am. Once huh? I mean I said night/day/shower/breakfast table... Not so sure I can last for that long with a girl as hot and sweet as you for that long. Kidding, hey, best friend huh? Wow, I mean that`s really sweet, and you are really a special friend to me, but uh, to be honest, best friend? I barely know you... I hate this part of myself, I am blunt with that honesty thing, I may just have insulted you, but you know, I also need to be able to live with myself If I am going to enjoy life.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock knock. Who's there? We are members of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Nothing, fishes don't speak, and due to their short memory he's probably forgotten about the event already, although he may have a pretty bad headache

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Religion

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I remember my first "I remember my first-" joke

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's purple and green and has a criminal record including two counts of armed robbery, five counts of possession with intent to sell, one count of attempted murder, several citations for underage drinking, and a parking ticket? Barney, but ignore all that other stuff. His record was expunged.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

your mom is so old that she farts dust.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you do when you're making out with your girlfriend? Play with another dude's ass.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't, it won't come.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whats worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it? being raped by justin beiber

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How many feminist does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in, the other to suck a dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's worse then a dead baby? a dead baby in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down -16

You know what they say about big feet... big penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How did the dog die? It was wet because of the rain so the little boy put him in the microwave for 30 minutes to warm him up

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops