Knock Knock Who's there? Father Dougal Mcguire

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How did the Pollack die? Cardiac arrest.

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Your feet are so big your gonna need bigger shoes.

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Why did the 40 year old man quickly close his web page when his wife called his name? Because he had to leave.

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Why did the elephant fall into the hot chocolate? It fell off the marshmellow.

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What's worse than Bin Weevils? Nick Clegg.

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roses are red violetes are blue you need to shut up or I will kill you

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Don't rape me!

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Who is the richest clown? You're probably thinking Ronald McDonald but its actually Barack Obama

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She no longer has a pulse.

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Knock knock Violets are blue Helen Keller The Holocaust.

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oops

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Why can't Michael Jackson play Chess? Because he's dead.

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Today, I had intercourse with a teddy bear

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What did the doctor tell the boy with no arms or legs? I'm sorry, you have terminal cancer.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I own a lawn mower Can you swim?

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Two cows are standing in a field One cow says "Mooooo"..... and the other cow says "mooooo" also because they are both cows and cannot speak

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What's a thither? My sister with a lisp.

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My Bologna has a first name, it's Tim.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? You shouldn't eat Jews, unless your a cannibal for which you should seek psychological help.

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What do you call someone who states the obvious? Someone who states the obvious.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

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A: If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test? B: A test can be many things: 1. A procedure for critical evaluation; a means of determining the presence, quality, or truth of something; a trial: a test of one's eyesight; subjecting a hypothesis to a test; a test of an athlete's endurance. 2. A series of questions, problems, or physical responses designed to determine knowledge, intelligence, or ability. 3. A basis for evaluation or judgment: "A test of democratic government is how Congress and the president work together" (Haynes Johnson). 4. Chemistry a. A physical or chemical change by which a substance may be detected or its properties ascertained. b. A reagent used to cause or promote such a change. c. A positive result obtained. 5. A cupel. A: Oh.

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What do you get when you mate an elephant with a rhino? Not much of anything except inter-species animal sex, considering the fact that the two do not share enough genetic material to create any sort of offspring.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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