Giving birth to the antichrist

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What's worse than a dead baby? A dead puppy.

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If life gives you melons.. You're just plain retarded.

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A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

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What do you call someone who states the obvious? Someone who states the obvious.

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Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put M&M's on the bottom of a pool, and tell her to arrange them in alphabetical order. By the time she starts to question this, the poison should be kicking in.

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How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Did you see the blind man get hit by a car? Neither did he.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Cheese on toast.

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Miscarriages.

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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Why was the elderly, Asian, blond pulled over by the officer? She was, and has been completely blind since birth.

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why did i go on the rollercoaster? because there was a muffin on it

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What's worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm? Finding half a worm and wondering where the other half is. o.O

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an invisible man walks into a bar and asks for a drink. No one noticed him cause hes invisible

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A: Ask me if I'm a fire hydrant. B: Are you a fire hydrant? A: No...

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What do Chuck Norris and Oprah Winfrey have in common? They are both white, male, good actors, white, rich, and white. Except for the eagle.

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Hi colton

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What's your middle name? (Interrupt them) It doesn't matter what your middle name is! What does deduce mean? Fall down the stairs.

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roses are red violets are red everything's red i'm colour blind

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How do you make a girl happy then sad within 5 seconds? Buy her a pony and then shoot it

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a mexican, an asian and a black are all in a car, who's the driver? their friend bill who offered to take them to the upcoming three days grace concert.

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Justin Bieber paid a donation to the anti-homosexual orginization.

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There is a penguin at the bakery: i want 2 loaves said the baker white or brown bread says the penguin does not matter I'm a moped

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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