Why did little Timmy get absolutely nothing for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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What's the difference between a mouse and a dinosaur? A lot.

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A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

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Why did the black man win the race Because he was faster than all the other contestants

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What's brown and sticky? Human Feces

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What's black, white, and red all over? A zebra that's just been shot, despite the fact that zebra hunting is illegal.

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I walked into a dark ally at night and ran into 2 black men They severely beat me then while unconscious brutally raped me. I then spent 5 weeks in the hospital in a deep coma.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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Why did the dog go in the bar? Because the door was left open

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person 1-As me if I'm purple... person 2- Are you purple? person 1- no

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what is green and has wheels? grass i lied about the wheels

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What do you call batman when we lost all his money? Broke

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Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee! It's not the coffee, you have a deadly case of ocular melanoma, a form of cancer that affects the eye. You'll be blind within the next 24 hours.

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Why can't Michael Jackson play Chess? Because he's dead.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have trouble understanding each other.

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Why is the dinosaur yellow? He's not.

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9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

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oops

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God.

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Who flexes triceps more than anyone? James

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If you saw two cowboys in a kitchen, which would be the real one? Why do you automatically assume one of them is false, or that either of them is real?

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Your mum is dead

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A black man, an Asian, a Jew, and an American all jump off a building. Unfortunately, they all died on impact and their families will mourn for years to come.

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A boy goes into Mourne View and meets a girl what happens next? He's now a father living off of the dole.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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