when do you go to heaven? Never, it doesn't exist.

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A blonde walks into a store and asks for the microwave behind the counter. The man behind the register promptly hands her the microwave and charges her $435 for it, which is utterly ridiculous.

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A Fish walks into a bar. It died of oxygen starvation.

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What do you call a cow with big horns? A bull.

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Q. What is brown and sticky? A. Creosote.

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Why did the angry husband murder his cheating wife? She forgot to cook dinner.

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A man powers up his computer but then realizes he's in China.

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Why did the lion get lost? -The jungle is massive

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If you can dodge a traffic, that probably has little or no relation to how well you can dodge a ball.

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A Rabbi, A Priest and an Imam walk into a bar. The Imam doesn't order a drink because it is strictly against his religious beliefs.

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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What did the cancer patient say to the arab? the tumors hurt my body

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Why did the cat cross the road? He thought he would make it to the other side, but instead was hit by a mini van and soon after died in the bushes from internal bleeding.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Little billy was annoying me But he can't anymore Because now he's dead In a burlap sack In the back of my truck And it's really bloody back there

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why did jimmy fall off the swing? because he was a tree.

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Q. What's black and white and red all over? A. Certainly not a newspaper. Nobody reads those anymore.

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What's the difference between a dead baby in my garage and a Ferrari in my garage? I don't have a Ferrari.

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What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? A watermelon is edible.

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What did the mute child say to his parents for the first time? "My head hurts" Doctors later found he had hypertensitive heart disease and an aneurysm in his brain. He died later that month.

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why didnt the deaf man laugh? he was also mute

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Why is the grass always greener on the other side? because they have a landscaper.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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