How many elephants can you fit in a car? Five. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

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If you have two berries in one hand, and three in the other, what do you get when you put them together? Five.

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Three jewish men are standing in at a bar. Its getting late and the bartender tells the three men its time to go home. As they walk out to the street, the bartender asks if they will be needing a ride home. Of course these three men had a few drinks, but did not live too far down the road, so they decided to walk. They pass the first mans house and he goes in to see his wife and three kids. They walk past the second mans house and he goes in to see his fiance leaving only one man left. He gets to his house, unlocks the door and goes inside only to find a note on the counter. He gets onto his computor and see that he forgot his wallet at the bar. He goes downstairs and walks out the door only to find himself falling into a giant pit. After falling for a while he starts thinking about his life. Then he remebered that he wasnt jewish.

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whats red white and blue? i dont know

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What is green and has wheels? Grass, i was lying about the wheels

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There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children her uterus fell out.

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What do you call someone that hates gay people? An asshole.

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What do you call Justin Bieber having sex with a women? Sex.

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What makes the turtle move? It's legs.

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What's funny and arousing? This joke.

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Q:How do you turn off a Jewish Lamp? A: You press the Auschwitz.

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I'm not wearing underwear Why not Cause I have built in underwear

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Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Have you seen the size of their fingers!?!?!

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You say you can read me like a book, well the jokes on you. I am not a book.

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What did the man say to his wife when he bought a dog? I bought a dog.

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a muslim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the muslim has a can, being surprised how far a can can preach in Chicago. The bartender reminds the muslim that he entered with a swine, and the muslim is embarrased for the horse.

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Nock nock. Whose there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh. ( mmmmooooo)

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what do you call a dead baby in a blender? child abuse

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There once was a beautiful princess named Snow White who lived with seven dwarves in the forest. One day, and old hag approached her and offered her an apple. She bit into the apple, chewed, and said,"Wow, that's tasty. Is this a Golden Delicious?" The hag said, "Why yes, it is. I have a private orchard. Perhaps I'll let you see it some time." The two promptly resumed their lives.

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Me: Knock Knock, Pornstar: Cum in.

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What do you call a Mexican who steals a car? A criminal.

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Why can't Ray Charles read? Because he's black.

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A Fish walks into a bar. It died of oxygen starvation.

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Why did the cancerous elephant cross the road? it said WALK.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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