If you have two berries in one hand, and three in the other, what do you get when you put them together? Five.

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Two small boys are walking in a schoolyard. One of the boys sits down under a tree looking distraught. The other asks him "Well whats the matter Eddy?" "Every time I walk to my bus-stop in the morning, Jimmy Krugan, pushes me down and takes my money. " The first boy thinks for sec.. "Well here's what you do Ed; go to your Dad's shed and grab a 2X4, paint it bright blue. In the morning, walk to school with it under your jacket and when Jimmy starts in on you give him a good wallop. He wont be bothering you anymore." The following day the boys are in the yard again. Eddy is seen under the tree seeming just as distraught. Confused, the boy asks him.. "Well Ed, did you do what I told you?" "No."

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Roses are Red, violets are blue, I have STD, Now so do you. :3

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If one train goes east at 30mph and another train goes south at 53mph, how many pancakes does it take to make a mattress? 7 because peanut butter can't climb trees.

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Why was the black man running down the street with a suitcase? He was late for work.

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There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children her uterus fell out.

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The man who ran behind the bus got exhausted. The man who ran in front of the bus got tired. The first one survived.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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So this guy tells me he hasn't had a bite in weeks. So i bought him lunch.

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What's worse than 10 dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in 10 dumpsters.

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What did the Chinese restaurants do with dogs that wander into the kitchen? Kept them as pets.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he was being chased.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

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Why couldn't Maria play Softball? She was born without legs.

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What's funnier than 24? 25.

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Why couldn't the orphans go on the field trip? Their parents couldn't sign the permission slip.

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What did the father tell his son on his death bed? Nothing. He was hit by a car and was now a vegetable.

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Why did the first koala fall out of the tree? because it was dead. Why the second koala fall out of the tree? because it was hit by the first koala. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? because it thought it was a game.

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Why do leprechauns laugh when they run through the grass? Because it tickles their nuts.

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What should I name my dog?

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What's not red? No tomatoes.

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How do you start a Mexican parade? Close off the streets you plan to have the parade on, and be sure to have a decent amount of floats and marching bands.

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A black man and a mexican are in a car, who's driving? The mexican, the black man broke his arm and the mexican is driving him to the hospital.

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What did the mollusk say to the sea cucumber? I don't know. Neither of them can talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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