A man walks into a bar. He buys a drink and then goes home and beats his wife.

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It's a scientific fact that if you took all the veins out of your body, and lined them up end to end, you would die.

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Why did the cat cross the road? He thought he would make it to the other side, but instead was hit by a mini van and soon after died in the bushes from internal bleeding.

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i have 2 penises

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What did the pig say to the banana? Oink.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Why dont you ask the chicken.

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Why don't women wear watches? In the technologically advanced age that we live in, the watch is rapidly being replaced with other electronic devices that tell time, such as cell phones or iPods.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What does chicken mean?

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Q. What's black and white and red all over? A. Certainly not a newspaper. Nobody reads those anymore.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a piece of toast.

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knock knock. who's there? whoer whoer who? whoer you?

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Why did the pie cross the road? I have no idea, why not ask it?

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How do you start up a good conversation? Wanna have a good conversation?

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Knock Knock Who's There? Bad-mannered Bad-mannered who? F*ck Off

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“Anything that moves ey?” – William Deane

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Your feet are so big your gonna need bigger shoes.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What did the anti-joke say? Nothing for it is an anti-joke which is a group of word formed to create a sentence and sentences cannot speak.

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What's worse than missing your favorite TV show? 9/11.

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What's worst than Rick Perry? Two Rick Perrys.

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What did the mute child say to his parents for the first time? "My head hurts" Doctors later found he had hypertensitive heart disease and an aneurysm in his brain. He died later that month.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Dementia Dementia who Knock, Knock

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what is red and looks like blue paint? red paint.

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A man walks into a bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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