the iPod hand is such a great deal It's only seven ninety-nine..........................................ninety nine for one hundredth of a dinosaur wait a minute...

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Why can't Hank swim? Hank is a rock

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What did the pig say to the banana? Oink.

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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? They all just sit and bitch about it.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Why dont you ask the chicken.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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DONALD TRUMP DIES

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What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing. He's a mute.

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Why is the world round? Because oranges are purple.

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What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

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how do you reunite the beatles 2 bullets

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What does chicken mean?

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Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner there is no god and everybody hates you.

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How did the fireman get the cat out of the tree? He shot it.

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why did Louisa go black and never go back? She got hit by a truck

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How did the ruttabaga believe itself to be a ruttabaga? Because it was in fact NOT a ruttabaga, but some self-aware individual with delusions.

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? That she should train harder for her next boxing match, or find a less physically demanding hobby to partake in.

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lol

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How did the Pollack die? Cardiac arrest.

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What is brown and sticky? A stick.

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What's worse than eating an apple with aids? Loosing your virginity to the seven chosen ones.

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roses are red violets are black why is your chest as flat as my back

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A teenage boy tells his family that he is gay. His mother says she had always known, and they accept him for who he is.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops