what did the man say to the other man? hi

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. "Where's my tractor?"

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What's not red? No tomatoes.

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drugs.

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A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

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If you want to paint a wall red, what is the fastest way to paint it with a crying baby? The baby will get very annoying and delay your wall from being painted so you put it in its crib in another room until you are done.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Who the hell named a blue flower "violet"?

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A man is walking on a beach when he finds a golden lamp. He rubs it and a genie comes out. The genie tells the man he will grant three wishes. The man wastes his wishes on material goods that do not bring him happiness.

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A black policeman and a white policeman work different shifts, one is during the day and one is at night and the both get equal pay.

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Q: How do you surprise a newt? A: Jump on it while shouting, "slippers." This may not work as the newt may die before it has the chance to be surprised, however the slippers should be intact.

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Q:why are lamas cool? A:because m&m's are poisoned with deadly dosages of viagra.

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? Neither have i

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What do you call a deaf person? You don't they can't hear you.

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What's worse than dropping your ice cream on the floor? Getting the end of your penis stapled

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your momma is so stupid she failed math class

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women's rights

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If you can dodge a traffic, that probably has little or no relation to how well you can dodge a ball.

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What did Pikachu say to Ghandi? Pika Pika

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Why did somebody text "lol"? Because they laughed out loud.

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What did the cancer patient say to the arab? the tumors hurt my body

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Q. What's black and white and red all over? A. Certainly not a newspaper. Nobody reads those anymore.

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A Horse walks into a bar. Bartender:why the long face? Horse:I have terminal cancer.

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what's the difference between a lamborghini and you're mother. cars don't scream when you rape them

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What do Ethiopians do at Christmas ? Starve...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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