An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have trouble understanding each other.

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what is red and looks like blue paint? red paint.

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you wanna hear a joke? no

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Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee! It's not the coffee, you have a deadly case of ocular melanoma, a form of cancer that affects the eye. You'll be blind within the next 24 hours.

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Knock Knock Who is there? You have no Dick

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what did the ninja say to the watermelon ? nothing

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Why did the kid cross the road? He was strapped to a chicken!

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Do you think people can change? No. They can change their mind.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a skank.

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Why couldn't the cat eat it's food? It's face was stapled to the floor.

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What do you call a file named pedo? A. Pedobear B. Toast C. Pedofile

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What do you call a black man in a pumpkin patch? His name is Bill.

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Why isn't this joke funny Because i have cancer

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there Not Sally

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why is 5 afraid of 6? it isnt

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Covietz has a large penis

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Why did the todler fall over? He's an iraqi child and has ben shot inboth legs being readied fro public excution for fighting on the opposing side a.w. j.p.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7 Because 7 was black

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Why do blacks have a little white on their hands? God has always said that everybody has a little good in them.

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What is black and white and green and red and purple and orange and magenta and brown and yellow all at the same time? Can you tell me? Cause I've got no clue.

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... and so the rabbi says "Don't worry. It was a kosher pickle anyway."

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Q; Why does paint dry? A; Because plankton are single cell organisms

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a carrot walks into a bar, carrots cant walk for they do not have legs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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