A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Go away.

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A man walks into a bar. He buys a drink and then goes home and beats his wife.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding, Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

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your life

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What do you call a mexican without a lawn mower? .....unemployed

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Why dont you ask the chicken.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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whats worse the being in a car crash? finding out that your mother and father were in the other car and were fatally injured.

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What's the difference between a dead baby in my garage and a Ferrari in my garage? I don't have a Ferrari.

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Do you know any good bird jokes? Well this is hawkward...

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Knock Knock Why are you knocking? I have a doorbell.

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Simon Cowell's hair is real.

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How did the poor young women get Aids? She got raped.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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whats worse then getting raped by a giant scorpion? getting raped by 2 giant scorpions!!!!!

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The government wants us to stop using gas and be eco friendly. Tell that to Hitler.

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Why did the plane full of Arabs crash? One of The engines failed

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Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene? An arsonist who happens to be a forest ranger.

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Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because it's head's so far from his body.

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A lady goes into the store to buy potatoes. Then she eats them.

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Why did an abusive childhood affect the little boy's behavior? Beats me.

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I LIKE TURLES.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? STOP BEING A CENTIPEDE!!!! It's funny cause the robot ain't got no arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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