Two small boys are walking in a schoolyard. One of the boys sits down under a tree looking distraught. The other asks him "Well whats the matter Eddy?" "Every time I walk to my bus-stop in the morning, Jimmy Krugan, pushes me down and takes my money. " The first boy thinks for sec.. "Well here's what you do Ed; go to your Dad's shed and grab a 2X4, paint it bright blue. In the morning, walk to school with it under your jacket and when Jimmy starts in on you give him a good wallop. He wont be bothering you anymore." The following day the boys are in the yard again. Eddy is seen under the tree seeming just as distraught. Confused, the boy asks him.. "Well Ed, did you do what I told you?" "No."

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whats red white and blue? i dont know

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Whats the worst thing that happened in the holocaust? it ended

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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what did the man say when he got in the car?nothing he lost his voice in an accient that morning

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3 guys and 2 women walk into a bar and sat down........... good to see both sex`s were welcome in the bar

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What makes the turtle move? It's legs.

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Boy: Is your body from McDonalds ? Girl: Aww is it because your lovin' it? Boy: No, it's because your greasy and fat!

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When geese fly, they often fly in a V-formation. Why is one side of the V is always longer than the other? Because there are more birds on that side.

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What's the difference between a black man and water? All black men have water in them, but not all water has a black man in it.

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Lightening never strikes the same place twice. But it killed both my parents.

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Nock nock. Whose there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh. ( mmmmooooo)

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What's not red? No tomatoes.

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A boy and a girl are playing catch. Why did the girl drop the ball? She had no arms. So why did the boy throw her the ball if she had no arms? Cause he's a Dipshit

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What's samller than a table but can't go under it? A baby with hay fork in his back.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog.

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Women Drivers.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Your landlord, clear out your stuff by tuesday"

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Whats black and has a large penis? A dog with large genitalia.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it wanted to get the waffle ice cream cone that was on the ground next to the little child who got hit by a bus.

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What is a girl with one leg called ( iliene )

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Two muffins are in an oven. How does that even work? Muffin pans come with either 6 or 12 muffin holders.

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Fruitcake

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Why did somebody text "lol"? Because they laughed out loud.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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