Why isn't Neil Patrick Harris like Barney Stinson in real life? Because he's gay

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In Capitalist America, bank robs you!

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The glass is half an hour.

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If a quiz is a quizzical what is a test? It is an assessment intended to measure the respondents' knowledge or other abilities.

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Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put M&M's on the bottom of a pool, and tell her to arrange them in alphabetical order. By the time she starts to question this, the poison should be kicking in.

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There is a penguin at the bakery: i want 2 loaves said the baker white or brown bread says the penguin does not matter I'm a moped

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What did the goat say to the dolphin dogs don't lay eggs

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What do you call it when a drunk guy puts a tree in his house and then decorates his fireplace with his socks? Christmas (I didn't come up with this)

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Why did the older man begin to walk faster after a black man started walking towards him? He was late for work.

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I can't think of a joke!

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Whats worse than having no mother? Having no mother and father, enabling you to have to support a family at the age of 12, using the allowance that your parents are supposed to give you once a week.

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why was the black guy crying because he was getting whiped because he wasent working in the felids

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? The IRS.

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How do you stop a black man from drowning? Bring him to shore and, if you are certified, perform cpr.

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Whats worse than your camera not working? getting hit by a fridge during the Holocaust

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Knock-knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. I'm calling the police.

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Why did the bird fall? It was an ostrich

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Satan called. I put him on hold.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow who? ...

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Your mom is so fat, she has crippling depression and has tried killing herself three times.

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What word starts with 'f' and ends in 'uck'? Firetruck

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Why does Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand? Because she's moaning with the other.

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A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself, so he goes into the bathroom and hang himself from the pipes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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