Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

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How do you get a baby out of a blender? Call the police and have them deal with the tragedy.

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You know what's worse than finding a worm inside an apple? finding crack, too late to spit it out.

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OH NO, ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!

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A man is walking down the street when, on the other side, he see's another man, with what appears to be an orange for a head. Unable to contain his curiosity, he approaches and enquires: "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that you have you have an orange for a head..." "That's right" says the man with an orange for a head. "I met a magical genie one day who granted me three wishes..." "Amazing" says the first man, "Please continue". "Well, for my first wish, I wished I was incredibly rich, and that every day, I woke up in a four-poster bed full of used bank notes, and a statement with twenty zeros". "Did that happen?" askes the first man. "It did indeed", replies the man with an orange for a head. "I'm probably the richest man in the world". "Amazing!" replies the first man. "What did you wish for next?" "For my second wish, I wished to be incredibly attractive to women, and that every day, in my four poster bed full of money, when I awoke, there would be three of the most beautiful, naked women imaginable." "Wow! Did THAT happen?" "Of course! To be honest though, that gets a bit of a bind - walking around is a bit difficult these days, in fact, I'm on my way to pick up some cream." "No way, that's amazing!" says the first man. "What was your third wish?" "Well..." replies the man with an orange for a head, "For my third wish, I wished I had an orange for a head."

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how much dub would a dubstep step if a dubstep could step dub? purple

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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? They all just sit and bitch about it.

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What did the Atheist say in the church? His best friend's eulogy.

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Simon Cowell's hair is real.

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Hey Jim? What? Pass the stapler.

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What do you get when you cross a horse and a pony? A mule

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In Soviet Russia! People were much more finacially secure than they are now.

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Whats funnier than a real joke? An anti joke

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the blonde choked o a gummy bear. What happened next? she went to the hospital

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what is the difference between a black person and a picnic bench? A picnic bench can support a family.

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What begins with "f" and ends with "uck"? A curse word.

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A black guy and a white guy are sitting in the bar. Later they will probably return to their respectable homes.

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Why did the pie cross the road? I have no idea, why not ask it?

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What did the teacher say to the student who stepped on a rusty nail? You have to go to the Nurse's Office to get a band-aid- I don't have any.

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jess yawns with no hands in front of her mouth. true story.

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What is the black mans favorite color? -Time for you to get a watch

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A lady goes into the store to buy potatoes. Then she eats them.

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Why couldn't the Little Boy hear his mother yelling at him? Because his mothers died

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Avery has crabs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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